outside world

christmas came and went incredibly quickly this year. i think because i slept all afternoon it was extra short. boxing day felt like christmas because we had a house full which is the usual for christmas day. it was the first time we've had the 25th just the 6 of us, so in many ways it was a different christmas but i suppose as we all grow older it is going to feel more and more different. the fact that we we're all together this year wasn't planned but was nice.

the rest of my time in england has been pretty good. the change of diet again has upset my system and i have been bunged up with cold the last few days but i wouldnt swap spending christmas at home for anything, despite the cold weather!

im looking forward to seeing some more faces at church this week not everyone was around last sunday because of the christmas break a few people went away. so it should be nice to catch up. i really feel like these 2 weeks here and setting me up for the next 6 months back out there now i know what im going back to and i have real expectations i feel like i will be able to achieve alot going back with a fresh enthusiasm and excitiment about all that im involved in out there.

its been encouraging to hear how many people have enjoyed reading the blog. for me this is my only way to escape when things get on top of me so i really wasnt sure if anyone was reading it and to be honest it didnt really matter because it was more for me than anyone else. also because no one leaves any comments it is hard for me to know! lazy bunch...
but many have been regular email..ers which has been nice aswell and my link to the outside world (except for bbc.co.uk!) so keep sending mail and dont underestimate how much it means just to get a few short words from a friend, it really can turn a crappy day round.

peaceful blogging.
Ben.

the great unknown

so i havent blogged for a while. on thursday i left stung mun chay village and went to the airport where i boarded the first plane to bangkok and came home. surprised mum walking in the door and my sister in the morning!

its been a great couple of days seeing everyone again, its been a long few months but it now seems like only a couple of weeks since i left. i think im going to be more sad leaving this time than when i left in september, probably because i know what im going back to where as before i was going into the great unknown.

ive got a few pictures from the village on thursday, the christmas party, so i will post them this week when i get the chance, being here and seeing people has made me realise just how many people have been reading this blog, i really had no idea as not many people post messages, but i will try and make it a bit more exciting and tell some more stories instead of all the emotional garbage that i unload on these pages. in fairness it has been my only real way of keeping sane and getting away from the stresses of life in cambodia. so i dont apologise! also i dont care about bad spelling so feel free to criticise...
...and also im not that bothered about getting a tan...
...i havent lost that much weight either, but i will try and put on a few pounds over christmas...

freezing cold but happy to be home.
Ben.

insult to injury

thanks for your comment jeni. we will all continue to pray for you and the family.

addind insult to injury ive had a frustrating week with loads of stuff breaking on me. the toilet got blocked, which was not a pleasant job to fix. my bike is busted, apparently i need new spark plugs but i dont have the motivation to take it to the shop. also my mouse trap has produced no furthur fruit which is a real shame as i was starting to get a taste for hunting. john, kerrys husband (the family i lived with for a month) has this air pistol, i might have mentioned about it, john hunts deer in USA so he's got a pretty mean shot. after a few weeks of trying to shoot one i gave up, john on the other hand shot 4 last week. my pride was utterly broken.

after all that has happened over the last few weeks i have genuinely started to enjoy living here, i have come through the culture shock time period and saw the light at the end of the tunnel. like i said i am a third of my way through my time here which came a as a shock when i realised that. although i feel like i have only just begun to really understand the way things work here and start to be effective. i hope the next 6 months will be fruitful.

for now i say goodbye, who knows when i will see you again...

Ben.

bus to bangkok

Robb.
I miss you my friend and I am sad that you left before i could say goodbye. i prayed that i would be able to see you again but i know that i will, just not this side of life.
I take great peace knowing you are now in heaven with God and can no longer experience pain or suffering, of this I am envious.
I will always remember you but I will see you soon.
much love my brother.
your friend,
Ben.


i seriously considered getting on the next bus to bangkok and hitchhiking across the continent. then i realised that i wouldnt be back in time for christmas or the funeral so i stopped wishing.

one thing i have come to realise after everything that has happened to me here and after all that i have seen and done. a lot of things in life change but there is only one thing that remains consistant throughout everything. having christ jesus as our saviour. nothing else in life is as faithfull and strengthens us like him.

forgotten by the world,
remembered by god.

Ben.

book stealing student thief

what a strange day today....

i walked around in a buz it felt like a dream, i wasnt all there.
church went by quick then i feel asleep in the afternoon without eating anything. when i woke up it was pitch black outside. it was only 6:30 but it felt like a new day, plus i slept in my clothes so i was a bit crusty. so then isaac and me went out for a drink up at the lake side and ended the evening in the internet cafe, hence this post.

isaac bought another tuk-tuk this week which means he has about 6. he rents them out to khmer guys to run a business with, for whatever reason he has three of them in his front room. im going to steal one next month for a few weeks.

so much is changing at the moment, it seems like one of those times where nothing is the same from one week to the next, particularly whilst im here and a lot is going on back in the UK. you imagine that everything will be just as you left it, but i know that worthing will be a different place and people will be doing different things. the glory days are over and a new era has begun!

good news on the university front. midge is going to type up some khmer invitation slips for me and sothy to hand out at the uni on friday. we're going to invite students to the church for an english conversation club. its exciting, i went up to the uni on saturday and i recon we can get something up and running. even if nothing happens its nice to spend some time with sothy outside church and make some memories. we're going over to his uni as well so i think we could meet quite a large bunch of people, even on saturday when there were no classes the uni was pretty busy with people sitting round studying. plus the grounds are soo nice, a big lake and massive fields right up by the bank kak lake area of the city. its worth a visit just to walk around, i want to go and check out their library, i dont know if they will let me just walk in, but there wasnt anyone on the gate on saturday and the library door was wide open without a single responsible looking person in view...brillant.
so ive become a book stealing student abducter thief man. im sure the authorities will love me.

on a positive note, physically i have been very well and have had no problems with the police or traffic accidents etc. i havent really had a bad stomach or any other unmentionables...you know what i mean. so thanks for your suport and all that.

i cant believe that a third of my time has passed already. thats why im excited about the university stuff, i really want to leave a mark on the church here and if i can get a good group emerge from our friday conversation club and introduce them inot the church i think it will set some good foundations for future growth. steve seems pretty positive about the whole idea and i think he is excited that im steping out a bit and getting around on my own and trying to start things up. what else am i here for? other than the cheap beer and hot weather...
christmas is odd in such hot weather and its only getting hotter, it is the complete oposite of last year at heene road where we all slept with a half dozen layers on! happy days.

some like dylan for others it's lennon
for me it is heaven to be...johnny cash.

Ben.

life giving

two interesting things to report today.
firstly you'll be glad to hear i caught a mouse. went out and bought this sticky trap which is like this big square carpet tile with sticky glue all over it and you put bread crumbs in the middle and wait for the mouse to come along and get stuck. worked a treat, only problem is it doesnt kill them so you end up with a strugling mouse in the middle of this sticky mess all over the kitchen floor. im still debating how to dispose of the creature...

second, and slightly more life giving than life taking. i went over to the royal phnom penh university today to check it out. i mentioned to steve that i wanted to see if i could go over there every now and then to see if i could do anything. my idea really was to set up an english conversation club at the church and invite the uni students. its certain to draw a crowd and would be a great way to meet more khmer and introduce them to our church. so i went over there are drove round a bit, they dont seem to have a reception and i couldnt find anyone who looked like they might be in charge, it is a pretty big campus and i was mighty impressed. so i got their phone number and will give em a buz somtime this week. i really hope something comes from this i really have faith for it and am getting excited by the prospect of doing more student stuff both here and in england.
the fact that i am actually from england puts me in pretty good chances to get a job somewhere teaching, if i could do a day a week at the university as a class room assistant or something that would be ideal. it would be good to have a bit extra cash, not that i need the money, and i really like the atmosphere up there, its a lot quiter and chilled out than the main city area.
so who knows what the new year will bring. i really hope this uni door opens up the possibilities are literally endless.

tis the season.
Ben.

homework

well its been a productive week here. for several reasons you soon realise that it is only possible to pencil in one serious activity per day. everything takes twice as long! especially if you are in the back of isaacs tuk-tuk going to pick up some school desks and he randomly decides to pick up these two tourists walking along the road. nice girls though turns out they are from israel and are tavelling around asia, they said meeting us was the best thing they had seen in what appeared to be a fairly small and uneventful city. there was a lot of truth in what they said, it can be uneventful! if i ever go to israel i have a contact now...though i dont suspect i ever will.

ive had a really positive week and have been in good spirits, which i admit is not often the case. it seems like time is flying by and that the new year will be here soon. i cant believe nearly a third of my time here has already passed.

My sister mentioned how impressed she was with that little line of khmer i put into one of my blogs a while back so i thought id show off a bit and show you my homework...

knyom pneak moam bpram pii konla nung knyom mien slaw slop a ha be bruk. knyom jol jet neyam num pang som rap slaw slop a ha be bruk. knyom chengpii pteah maom chet bpram boone kot nung knyom tu dial twulgaa maon bpram boone kot. a ha tnai dtrong knyom neyam buy nung seik. che tomada knyom klien buy. rohl tnai knyom jol jet leng dopbal bon dap burl clah knyom mok yuid be broa knyom mien neyam a ha lung neat. nebal nit jear yop knyom som ran. bon dap nit jear bplaik rohl tnai.

i get up at seven o'clock and have breakfast.i like toast for breakfast. i leave the house close to nine o 'clock and i arrive at work at nine. for lunch i eat rice and meat. usually i am hungry. in the evening i like to play football but usually i am late because i have to eat dinner. when it is night i go but it is a late night!

stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
Ben.

Forgotten

had a long chat with steve about culture shock this week. i think i was visibly frustrated with a few things that had happened and he picked up on it. fair enough, i was in a pretty bad mood. je jad a really personal prophesy for me today which was so accurate i thought 'yeah thats not bad' it described exactly how i feel at the moment and what is going on in my life, it was really encouraging and helpful so ive spent a bit of time thinking about that one. its always good when someone says something like that and it really makes you think and sort yourself out. its especially good because i know i needed to hear it and it came at a good time.

we discussed my role with the kids work and i shared a bit about how its been going. i still really struggle with it and regularly want to quit. to add to that i know im really not gifted in this area, so this is one of the things which has frustrated me this past couple of weels. yet i know that it has relieved a massive part of steves week and im happy to serve. one thing i really felt god speak to me about was about being 'forgotten' it all ties together! 'forgotten by the world remembered by god' i think its true that everyone wants to be remembered and is scared of death because they havent left much of a legacy. thats pretty much how i feel... i was thinking about my great grandparents and that fact that i know nothing about them, in fact i dont even know their names or anything about where they lived or what they did with their lives. this made me think that actually unless we are the president of america all of us are going to be forgotten by future generations, not that anyone knows anything about past presidents or kings etc. quite a sobering thought if you think about it long enough. it puts into perspective the whole 'storing up treasures in heaven' thing and releases you from worrying about tomorow too much, i know im guilty of that.

anyway, as you can tell im feeling philosophical again, and i still cant spell that word.

tonight its time for another instalment of male aggression and competative zeal as cambodias expat elite gather for the weekly and much antisipated football game. thank god for football.

Ben.

ESPN

nothing of any real interest has happened here for a while. spurs beat charlton 5-1 which was propbably the highlight of my week. premiership football is great all the games are live on tv every weekend. problem is they all start at about 10pm at night which is rubbish if you have to get up for church, which starts at 9am...

ive been thinkin about trying to learn the violin for the last few years. now i have the time and the petience to do it i thought id give it a shot. isabelle a frenh lady who runs the kids work at the church might be getting a job at logos school a christian school in the city and apparently they have some good music teachers. hopefully my parents are going to bring one over in january so i can spend a bit of time practicing more then.

living in the flat on my own is quite difficult, im not really made that way, i like to think im more of a social person. having said that i have ESPN so i havent really thought about it too much ive just sat around watching sport with all my free time. biggest problem at the moment is the wildlife, i keep finding droppings on the kitchen worksurface, so i shoved a mat under the door where i recon they must be coming from only to find half of it eaten and all over the floor in the morning. so im going to go out and get some big 'im going to kill you' looking mouse traps. it does provide a certain amount of entertainment. rats on the other hand are a whole different game, really you need a little cage but im not sure i want to catch them alive, steve says they catch them all the time then drown them, although this approach did originally appeal to my evil sense of justice, i realise now that i wouldnt want to go anywhere near a rat that has been locked in a cage all night and desperate to escape. knowing my luck i would probably get eated by it or something...stranger things have happened. i will up date you on what happens, maybe i shold catch them then strap them to my moto's wheels? that would be fun...any suggestions would be much appreciated, also if anyone has any good rat catching stories or any family techniques that have been passed down the generations that might be useful i wold love to hear them.
my favorite one was when dad caught a mouse by its tail in a trap then put it in a shoe box and reversed over it. that always brings back fond memories and maks me laugh!

im off to kill me some rodents.
over and out.
Ben.

gypsy boy

sothy got invited to the christmas party at the US embassy on christmas day which sunds great, in fact i was well jealous. im thinking of getting the bus down to the beach for a few days in between christmas and new years, maybe even head over to Bangkok for a few days. Most of the church, like i said, have already gone home for christmas, so its going to be quite a small affair.

Things here are going well, business as usual really. i keep meeting khmer people who can speak a little english and just want to talk to me all day. it could get frustrating but the novelty value hasnt worn off yet.

Its funny after a while you just run out of things to say about it here. i guess that means ive stopped discovering new places and new things and just settled into day-to-day life...im sure i can fill out a few blog pages with random ramblings.

the responsibility of being responsible is too much of a responsibility for someone who isnt used to alot of responsibility. having said all that, assuming you know what i mean, i think ive taken to most of my tasks with alot of energy. it has been hard doing stuff that i wouldnt normally choose to do and having to serve in ways that i know are not my gifting. i realise that even these things are good for your character. if you only did the things you were good at how would you grow? that doesnt mean im any good at it though! i still suck at doing the wednesday afternoon kids club. and like i mentioned the other day im really not looking forward to the christmas presentation by the youth that will no doubt be a reflection on me. its equally frustrating for the church and for the leaders sometimes to have everything translated, we are having a whole evening to talk about it and discuss the best way forward ad the best way to serve both the khmer and the westerners. im not really sure it is working at the moment and have predicted a fairly heated evening. should be fun! i will let you know what happened and a damage report eg. how many broken noses...ahh church politics, my old nemesis.

i was looking forward to the trip to australia. although im still not sure if its going to be ok for me to go. from the way steve said about it i got the impression that maybe the conference itself wouldnt be appropriate for me to go to. im not quite sure what this means. to be honest the whole reason i wanted to go was to be part of it and to meet all the people and enjoy the conference, if its just church leades and wives then thats ok. i dont want to go there just for the sake of going. like i said i wanted to be part of the group meeting there in march. its a long way to go on my own with no real reason to be there.
o well, we shall see in the upcoming months.

so ive been at this new flat for nearly a week, already i have been told to make arrangements to go elsewhere. which is a bit of a bummer and at first i wasnt really that happy about but i dont really have much of a choice as libby gets back from down under in a few weeks. im majorly reluctant to put an advert out in the christian newsletter that goes round, after all they are such a weird bunch those christians. and living with out and out missionaries doesnt really appeal to me that much. maybe it would be better than living alone, who knows? one thing is for sure i am a gypsy. at least i dont have to sleep in the wood huts like most of the people.

i will try and post some photos when i get to the smiths house for cell group later. these internet cafe pc's are pretty rubbish really, on the plus side im learning to be patient with them. if you try and rush they just crash and then the little man shouts 'otay, otay, twer la-ore, nit jear tlay mlay' (no, no, be good, it is very expensive) that always makes me laugh.

tomorow never dies.
Ben.

'they' (who ever they are)

sorry for my lack of blogging recently. i have just moved into a new flat, which in some ways is good, i have my opwn space, although i've never lived alone before and all the responsibility of being responsible is weighing me down.

im sending a couple of packages home this week, they (who ever they are) have made a Khmer worship CD, which is basically the latest hillsongs album translated. everyone here thinks its great. i've got to be honest i dont agree, but if the khmer love it then who am i to disagree?

christmas is fast approaching, there is an odd feeling in the air about christmas here. officially they dont celebrate it...because they are buddhist. however they have lights, trees, santas, carols and christmas shops everywhere. which i really wasnt expecting, so im getting in a festive mood, plus it rained yesterday which is very rare for december and is about the closest it gets to snow.

after my performance with the katalyst christmas show last year in worthing i vowed never to do it again, unfortunately no one from cambodia was there to see it and they all believe i will do a better job this year. i am less convinced, either way we have some funny songs and poems and even a bit of monty python slipped in there, of course the kids have never heard of monty python so they dont get the joke...its all adult humor. they think im crazy laughing my head off at the most stupid things but i've spoent alot of time convincing them the adults will love it.

its odd to be somewhere where people leave to go home for christmas, literally half the church isnt going to be here. i have always been on the other end, welcoming people back for christmas from their various travels. haveing said all that there is alot of what happens here that i've never done or seen before. i think thats why im always soo tired, because im always doing and seeing new things, this really is a crazy country.

one of the problems of living in this new flat is i am faced with the old classic 2 hardest decisions of the day scenario i was so accoustomed to in heene road.

1. should i get out of bed?
2. should i get out of the shower?

once these two have been made im set for the day, problem is the day starts quite late because my decision making is slowed by the introduction of a luke warm shower. after 2 1/2 months of ice cold showers its an odd feeling to have a warm shower every day, its even stranger to get out of the shower and feel cold. i wonder how i will adjust back into the european climate, i will probably have to wear jumpers for a few months!

'they' (who ever they are) have deemed it possible for me to go to sydney in march, which is good news although i havent got the official go ahead from headquarters in sydney. i was thinking i might try and organise a trip to japan in may. its a fair distance but if i can afford it and have the time why not? after all im already half way round the world why not go the other half? i guess id end up home then right?

this is ben tucker reporting for blogger news on a rather uninteresting day in phnom penh.

Ben.