photos 3

sweat and blood

we're going to the airport tonight to pick up the girls, im dead excited and havent slept for the last couple of nights. id like to say its because im looking forward to having my friends here but the truth is ive been pretty stressed with various different things at work and its getting hotter sduring the night which is making it harder to sleep.

steve and midge got back from australia yesterday and had a good time, i tried really hard but couldnt help hide my dissapointment at not being allowed to go myself. especially when he was saying all the great stuff they were talking about, i was obviously annoyed about something, which started a conversation about talking about feelings which i always dread and consider it a priority to perfect my 'everything is ok, i dont want to talk about my feelings' face. ughhh.

the last couple of months have been fairly average and uninteresting, all i can say is i hope i get the oppertunity to get out of the city a bit more. my adventuring spirit is longing to break free. ive heard some good things about battambang province and the town itself. its up near the thai border and sits on one of cambodias many rivers. for the last thirty years, throughtout the several wars and foreign occupations, it was left untouched and survived mostly intact. the french colonial buildings are said to be stunning and its lack of night life is something that immediately attracted me to it. also they run daily speed boats to siem reap from battambang, that is where the angkor temples are. so i figured i could do both in a short trip, maybe just four or five days. knowing my luck so far this year with planning to do things, getting my hopes up then haveing them brutally squashed, i am not betting on it actually happening but i think ive earned a break.

i just finished lunch at the petrol station, which is a regular habit of mine, mainly because the bakery in the little shop is always tasty and they have cash machines so it is quite convienient. my monday (day off) routine usually includes a trip to the petrol station to buy a strawberry milkshake and a bar of chocolate then just sit there and watch the world whiz by, i also occasionally buy petrol.

Joel arrived last week for 8 weeks, so ive spent a little time with him which has been nice, although he was horribly sick for his first week here and had to keep postponing our little get together, fair enough. chris has a lung infection and dale has food poisioning. but im doing pretty well..praise God! it does seem strange that i havent been sick once since i arrived here last september, especially considering all the junk ive eaten from street sellers who literally pour their sweat and blood into their meals and cook using a pan that has been washed out in the local sewage system. dont quote me on that one but i have a good idea that is what actually happens. i wake up at night in a cold sweat having seen visions of Khmers down in the sewer joking amongst themselves their new technique to sicken the foreigners. their cackling laugh reviberates in my mind for days, it all quite strange what goes on in my head consider that this is in fact a daily occurance and not at all unnormal.

sweating for the Lord,
Ben.

leaps and bounds

sorry i lost interest in blogging the last few days.

steve and midge have been in sydney since tuesday...i think, ive lost all track of the time. so ive had a fairly relaxing week. although i got a few jobs finished like finally painting the ping pong table me and chris built and finishing some guitar lesson handouts for the kids, all stuff i need a quiet week to do! i cant remember if i told you about Sothy going on tv and i also cant bo bothered to go back and check.....you cant believe how long it took for this page to load up.

im not really sure how it happened but Sothy and Daneth got a phone call and got invited to do a quiz show on the tv and both won $10. i know that doesnt sound like much but its pretty exciting for them, sothy, the sensible man that he is bought some book for uni and was unable to get me a prime time spot on 'bayon' chanel. i wanted to use the oppertunity to voice my political views and perhaps take few pot shots at hun sen (priminister) of course im not being serious and sothy would have politely smiled and quickly left the room like he always does when i start to rant about everything that is wrong. im not really sure what he is thinking most of the time but i know he appreciates my attempts at khmer humor. gosh what a mess.

weve been having fun the last few weeks on the drums after church. poli,who had never sat behind a set before was surprisingly good and could hold the beat going. sothy, bless his socks, took a bit longer. but his guitar playing is coming along leaps and bounds...if you ignore all sense of rythm. sothy wants to be a manager of some company here in the city, whcih is ambitious but normal for a student these days, problem is no one wants to hire a 20 year old graduate to be a manager, he has a tough few years ahead of him.

top five jobs:
1) premiership footballer
2) international rock star
3)bounty hunter
4)presidnet of the protection against mushrooms and bees society
5)researcher for lonely planet

please no more arguments about bees.

King Ben.

jenga

It's been a good day today, i didnt count the numbers but the church was completely full, which is never a bad thing. the khmer group after was really good fun, we had some food and played a bit of jenga! most of them had never seen jenga before, so it was great fun.

the only word that really describes how im feeling at the moment is content. i wouldnt use the word happy, even though i often am. but equally i am not sad, i have learnt to be content. several things have happened this week that put me in a bummer but i tried not to dwell on them so much and just put up with the difficulties of living here on my own. i have been feeling pretty lonely at the moment as well, so i will let you know how it is have i few new people arriving this week and next.

ive been putting together a little list of things to do when the girls get here a week on wednesday, this includes:

• spider eating at the river front
• shooting an AK-47 at the firing range
• visiting the monkeys and elephant at wat phnom
• boat ride up the mekong

thats all i can think of at the moment but i will endevor to make it a thrilling week!

freight train

i had my hair cut today, what a surprisingly depressing event. i was parading quite an impressive mop upon my brow and was clearly rebuked for the obvious crime against all things 'cool' which i have clearly lost touch with. having said that it was a good move considering the hot season is about to hit full swing. i must say, however, it felt like someone was cutting off my arm. i had grown quite attached to my mullet which i felt had been prematurely pruned back in november and allowed to flourish untill this very day. i retain the right to my beefy 1970's mutten chops that have been given a fresh burst of life after comming out from under the shade of the oppressive 'beatle-esk' forest that used to hide most of their splendour.

i hope you appreciate the amount of milage i just got out of a simple haircut, i have become pretty good at making the most monotonous acts seem like an event worthy of airtime on CNN, or the BBC world service at least.

my bike has been chuging away like a freight train so i figured it was time to put in some new oil. this is an interesting fact about men...
...give them a piece of machinery and they instantly know everything about it, all the intricate workings of the engine and how to fix the smallest problem. failing actual knowledge the next best thing is to pull over take a good look at whereever they have decided the problem is comming from and stare intently, nod a little to look convincing and then heave a big sigh as if all hope is lost. i confess i am the greatest offender but definately made a few onlookers believe i knew what was wrong. sadly i know nothing and even after changing the oil she still cries out in pain every time you wake it up. struth.

coughing up hair balls for weeks to come, no doubt.
Ben.

run of the mill

i have so much i want to say and nowhere to start.

cripes!

we went to 'club evergreen' yesterday to go swimming and check it out. its about 5 miles out of the city and off the main road so it was nice and quiet, which was a welcomed break. when i went back to england at christmas it is amazing just how quiet everything is, mainly because of double glazed windows but also because people change the oil in the cars so they dont make this horrible grumbling sound that i have come to accept but loath in a simliar way that people accept dentists but secretly plot to kill them in their sleep. so it was nice to relax by the pool and chill out in an aircon room and watch some of the rugby on the telly...

...speaking of rugby, what a great game the other night. england played a scorcher against france, which i must say was very pleasing to me. i went down to the gym bar (a big sports bar with projector screens filling the whole wall) with chris to watch the game and the place was full of frenchies all with flags and silly wigs and all the other things you wear to protect the illusion that your team will only win if you wear this stupid thing on your head. needless to say i wasnt wearing a wig, that all ended at euro 96 for me, and we won, so a big finger to the french.

on a slightly more sane note, everything here is going well. it is getting very hot and i have reverted back to shorts, not because my knees are particularly impressive, although i really believe they are, but because if i didnt then i could easily fuel the mekong river with all the perspiring going on under my trousers....i hope you like my attention to detail.

as some people have recently pointed out, upon reading my blogs, that it would seem i am going mad. i must say whole heartedly that i am not mad but verging on a state of mind that is not too dissimilar to that occupied by basil faulty.

top 5 childhood fears. (in no particular order)
1) women with facial hair
2) off milk
3) chris evans
4) getting spider webs in your hair
5) the discovery of being adopted

top five current fears. (no particular order)
1) mushroom induced allergic reaction
2) going mad
3) chris evans
4) becomming interested in trains
5) alien abduction

anyone have any bizarre or crazy fears, i think mine are all fairly run of the mill.

Ben/Virak.

the 'far east'

below is the most interesting email i have recieved for a long time, despite the fact that its sender makes several refrences to the fact that it is boring! i hope you find it equally delightful. this is a real adventure.....thanks uncle john!

Hi Ben
What does an 84 year old man have to say to a young man of your age thatwill be of interest. I really don't know, but here goes. At least it willbe a communication from the U.K.Have been reading your Blogs with interest. You young people live in a different world to the one that we live in. Reading about life in Cambodia through the eyes of Ben Tucker, brings back all sort of memories of the timewhen, not from choice, but because of the international situation, I foundmyself in the "Far East" It was nothing like you are experiencing. It wasafter all over 60 years ago, and at least modern technology has improved theway we communicate.I was in communications. I was a wireless mechanic in the R.A.F. WW2 hadjust finished, and I was one of the unfortunates who was already in the"pipeline" on my way out to wage war against the Japanese. It was too lateto stop the organisation so I had to go, at least on the first part of thejourney. Flew in easy stages, via Sardinia, North Africa, Jerusalem, andfinished up in Karachi in what was then India. Then the authorities reallydid not know what to do with a Signals Unit, specialising in servicingbomber aircraft and airfield equipment, when there was nowhere else to bomb!We finished up near Madras eventually, and spent 6 weeks learning how toplay tennis, swimming, and generally just loafing about. The mostmemorable things I remember about Madras, were going to the EnglishChristian Cathedral on a Sunday Evening, and afterwards listening to recitals of classicalmusic on records, in the open air under a jet black sky at an IndianCollege, near to the airfield we were staying at. Absolutely Fantastic!!
Eventually they moved us on, first to Singapore, and then in the mostdisgusting ship to Hong Kong, where we set up a communications base for theBritish Forces in the Far East. All the official data was in morse code inthose days, but we also relayed entertainment programmes from the U.K. orplayed recorded programmes sent out by the B.B.C.While I was in Hong Kong, I met up with my brother Stan (your Granddad),when his ship Belfast come into port. We had three days together, butafter all these year I really cant remember what we did. I know I went onboard his ship and he came out to our Airfield at Kai Tak. I also met mycousin Reg. who was on HMS Anson, when that came into Hong Kong. Both ofthose meetings were arranged through the Fleet Chaplain, whom I got to knowquite well.All very boring stuff I hear your say. We had to take anti malariamedication, sleep under mosquito nets at night, and at sundown you had towear long trousers and long sleeved shirts or tunics. Malaria was a realthreat they believed in those days. The medication turned our skins andeyeballs yellow.

organised chaos

sorry ive been writing essays. i have so much to say...having said that i sont really know what to say!

everyone here has been excited by the news that jeni is comming out with lucy in a few weeks. its going to be a good few months, i can feel it. better than having things all slow to a hault i think its going to be a manic but really fun couple of months. im looking forward to having the girls over, its going to be great to have normal conversations as appose to the traumatic and unsettling conversations that seem to happen as if from some dream when you put an over interested westerner into a room with two khmer guys whose parents used to be soldiers in a deadly regime that killed millions of people (read the last post...) there is a certain organised chaos about living here that is shocking at first but soon becomes a reality.

ive been reading bill brysons book about england that is refreshingly honest and often 'laugh out loud' funny. not bad for a yank. notice how obviously un-politically correct im trying to be.
its the international womens day today, which means absolutely nothing, except that i dont have to go to the dreaded home school football class because the school is closed for the day. so big thumbs up to all the feminists out there who managed to convince the world they were worthy of their own day, so that young men who still believe in female slavery could have a day off.
please dont take me too seriously, i am not a fan of hate mail, especially the sort that is designed to blow the recipient to smitherines. happy days.

Virak.

beautiful but broken

today was a good day.
i know that i often talk about my work here and the church and im aware that there are people who read what i write who probably dont understand why someone would do all the stuff that we're doing for a church. but i make no excuses, when you see someones life change and you see the reality of god make a lasting impact on someone it is hard not to want to write about it. i always struggled believing that what the bible says really does have an impact, i never really trusted that the power of God could change a life. i think it was because i never reaslly saw it in myself very dramatically but i have seen it many times here. i have come to realise that even if you dont have the language or the alpha course! and you have lots of cultural differences, all it takes is God to reach down and save someone. it really is true.

we had a great time this sunday because we had so many people come and visit, half of the language school came which was great and mr goy, sothys friend, also made an appearance. mr. verne was back after not comming for a couple of months because he was studying for exams and he brought a new girl friend which sparked some funny moments, mostr of which i missed or didnt understand. we had eight khmer people at the bible study at lunch, which is the most i think we've ever had, or at least since ive been comming. so that was good.

we re-launched the conversation club this week and went off to the uni again on saturday morning then set up camp outside the church on sunday afternoon waiting for the masses to swarm in. we got one bloke. turned out to be a really good time, he told us all about when he was growing up in battambang province and he remembers the khmer rouge had control of that area and he saw many explosions and gun fights, mr.cain was his name. they lived for a while in thailand at a camp after the province fell to the vietnamese then the cambodian government forces. this spraked a really upsetting story for sothy about his father and uncle... they were young khmer rouge soldiers, in some sort of position, and sothys uncle tried to help some people who were working in the fields who had painful legs get some medicine, the comander took sothys uncle off for 'education', which really mean 'execution'. sothy then said how his father tried to save him but faced death himself as he watched his brother get beaten over the head until he died right in front of his eyes. sothy talked about it quite casually but i know he had some real sadness about it, if his father had tried to save his brother then sothy probably never would have been born. apparently one of the daughters of the khmer rouge commander loved sothys dad so convinced those in charge to save his life. it sounds like something from a movie, but i actually met this man, sothys dad, the guy who used to be a soldier in the khmer rouge and was forced to watch his brother killed and has spent the rest of his life remembering it.
i often think when i see some old guy on the side of the road 'what were you doing back then?' or 'whats your story?' its all a bit to real and shocking to make sense. sothy invited me to go and visit his other uncle who has other stories about the things that happened, im thinking of writing a book! you reall could fill hundereds of pages with all the personal accounts of suffering. its a beautiful but broken country.

Virak.

photos 2

these are some photos off one of the catholic cambodian churches network site. they arent my own, obviously, but they give you a good idea of what stuff looks like and all the crazy things people put on the back of motos. including dead pigs and window panes...accident waiting to happen.

Virak

for the record i did mean 'nasal' cavity in the last blog! although there is an unspoken freedom about also wildly picking your 'naval' cavity which adds a certain liberty to life here, i feel so free to pick away at will. praise god.

just got back from the university this morning with Sothy and mr.goy. we are re-launching the conversation club with a new invitation and a better map, so hopefully tomorow we will see some more new faces.

i have a new name... for the simple reason that i wanted my khmer friends to stop treating me like some giant white eye sore! i am called virak (pronounced vireth) it means 'hero' in khmer. i was thinking something more along the lines of 'tom sot' which means 'big hair' add a bit of humor to my attempted integration but sothy assured me that virak is better.
it has started to get confusing already!

time to go pick up my washing, ive been wearing the same shirt for a while and am really starting to stink.

one for all,
Virak.

stupid shorts

struth.....

when i went to visit joey up in cardiff last year we went out for a meal to owen and fiona's house with hellen and joel cook, some guys who had visited cambodia for a few weeks and spent some time with the smiths. joel is comming back out on the 18th of march for three months. like i say i only met him once but its going to be nice to have another guy around, particularly for my last few months and im sure it will be good for the church as well! plus, lucy is comming at the end of the month, so everyone is excited about her comming as well.

ive spent the last couple of days weighing up whether or not to try and visit australia whilst im here and then maybe new zealand in the same trip. one the one hand i think that this may be my only oppertunity to visit those countries for a while yet i know ive committed myself to serve and be here for the last few months. i dont know whether this is one of those lessons about committment that people need to learn when they're young, especially when it is going to hurt. i really want to go but i get the feeling that i will have to stay and pay the cost. for me giving up the idea of that trip is a big price to pay. not my will but yours lord.

heres something culturally religious that you may or not find interesting. i only really thought about it this week. we, the male contingent in the church, have lunch at glynn barrows work every other tuesday, its basically just an oppertunity for us to meet up and spend some time together and talk about guy stuff! i noticed that at icc (glynns work) they cover up the buildings spirit alter. this is basically a fancy bird house, painted yellowy gold and with lots of little red incence sticks making this not unpleasant fragrence that reminds me of my first few weeks in the country when all the smells are new and a little odd. i ony really noticed it because most of the christioan places remove them from the premises, this isnt a dig at icc just an interesting note about why khmer people feel the need to have this incence burning all the time. around september time there is the festival of the dead souls where families burn incence and wail incredibly loudly to calm their ancestors souls, there is a lot of that stuff going on year long with all sorts of different events on the calander. particularly weddings but more so funerals there is a massive supersitious movement that seems to be mingled in with the regular buddhist beliefs and is taught to even the youngest kids about the importance of doing certain things and not doing others. one silly example is that if your driving along the road and you lose a shoe or a hat very rarely will they stop and go back for it, it is assumed that a spirit knocked it off you and that you cannot get it back or it will bring trouble upon you. there are other cultural things which seem so odd to me like picming your teeth in public is considered very rude yet they quite happily scrape out the contents of their naval canities (pick their noses) although this is, obviously, not a religious custom it is none the less foreign to what is considered culturally exceptable in the uk or western nations. i cant speak for the french but for most civilised nations this is true. i find all this stuff interesting and have broken the rules on many occasions, this is normally how ive discovered what is good and what is bad because i did something majorly wrong. i quietly whisper to myself 'you muppet' and carry on as if it never happened.

if gordon brown was khmer then i met his son this week. a guy called mr.webol. he goes to uni with Sothy and is apparently the son of one of the cabnet members, ive been told you have to address his father as 'his exelency'. nice enough guy but i dont think he was really interested in meeting me. he took one look at my moto and laughed, sothy embarrisngly stated that it is very old. i was utterly humbled, this guy with a fancy new bike and a crowd of friends came and briefly met this scummy foreigner who had incroched on his turf with a crappy bike and a stupid pair of shorts. i lived to tell the story.

i am slowly losing my mind.
ben.