a poor unsuspecting sun lounger

Its been an interesting few days. we had a boat party for Emily, a lady in the church who is going back to England for a period of time to get refreshed. no one is sure if she will come back though. life here can be really hard for people who put everything into it and see very small results. i think it has been a hard time for her. either way she is pretty sad to be going to England. i dont know if that is how i will feel but i tell you the truth i stood there all evening wishing it was my leaving party. i guess you could say im feeling home sick, although i hate to admit it.

Steve and I had the ''chat'' that had been booked in for over a month and i was desperately trying to avoid. Steve challenged me about planning for the future...something I came to Cambodia to avoid...or at least delay for another year. So i spent some time thinking about it and weighing up my options. Bob, who was over for a month from New Zealand, was really helpful, we went out a few times together just to chat and make use of his decades of experience. he is a truely remarkable man. i have a lot of respect for him. he said that its great to make decisions but unless you tell someone about them it is all too easy to back out and not commit to them. so there we go...i told someone. as soon as i did i was thinking 'have i made the right decisions?' I said to Lucy in an email the other day that my biggest fear is making the wrong decision. Im learning to get over it! its blummin hard though.

in other news...
i had my first Khmer hair cut. you have 3 options with this.
1 - you can go to a western salon ($4-7)
2 - Khmer salon ($1-2)
3 - you can have some dodgy looking bloke on the side of the road do it ($0.3)

i went to a Khmer salon and paid a buck. i think it was worth it, but next time im gonna argue and get it cheaper. apparently i paid too much. i dont know whether that was a comment about the state of my hair after the cut or just a genral comment about Khmer slaons, either way it doesnt look too bad. unlike when dad shaved our heads for world cup2002, i will leave that one to your imaginations...

...really flippin looking forward to going to the beach on monday. i cant wait to get away. i really need a holiday, so it should be good. im not planning on doing anything all week. i have a stack of books and a body of pale skin. so i will set up camp down on some poor unsuspecting sun lounger for the week.

It has been really great reading emails from people all over the world who have been checking out the blog. it has been a real encouragement, so thanks a bunch.
If you havent but want to the address is:
bentucker_87@hotmail.com
please stay in touch.

Psalm 91:1
Ben.