outside world

christmas came and went incredibly quickly this year. i think because i slept all afternoon it was extra short. boxing day felt like christmas because we had a house full which is the usual for christmas day. it was the first time we've had the 25th just the 6 of us, so in many ways it was a different christmas but i suppose as we all grow older it is going to feel more and more different. the fact that we we're all together this year wasn't planned but was nice.

the rest of my time in england has been pretty good. the change of diet again has upset my system and i have been bunged up with cold the last few days but i wouldnt swap spending christmas at home for anything, despite the cold weather!

im looking forward to seeing some more faces at church this week not everyone was around last sunday because of the christmas break a few people went away. so it should be nice to catch up. i really feel like these 2 weeks here and setting me up for the next 6 months back out there now i know what im going back to and i have real expectations i feel like i will be able to achieve alot going back with a fresh enthusiasm and excitiment about all that im involved in out there.

its been encouraging to hear how many people have enjoyed reading the blog. for me this is my only way to escape when things get on top of me so i really wasnt sure if anyone was reading it and to be honest it didnt really matter because it was more for me than anyone else. also because no one leaves any comments it is hard for me to know! lazy bunch...
but many have been regular email..ers which has been nice aswell and my link to the outside world (except for bbc.co.uk!) so keep sending mail and dont underestimate how much it means just to get a few short words from a friend, it really can turn a crappy day round.

peaceful blogging.
Ben.

the great unknown

so i havent blogged for a while. on thursday i left stung mun chay village and went to the airport where i boarded the first plane to bangkok and came home. surprised mum walking in the door and my sister in the morning!

its been a great couple of days seeing everyone again, its been a long few months but it now seems like only a couple of weeks since i left. i think im going to be more sad leaving this time than when i left in september, probably because i know what im going back to where as before i was going into the great unknown.

ive got a few pictures from the village on thursday, the christmas party, so i will post them this week when i get the chance, being here and seeing people has made me realise just how many people have been reading this blog, i really had no idea as not many people post messages, but i will try and make it a bit more exciting and tell some more stories instead of all the emotional garbage that i unload on these pages. in fairness it has been my only real way of keeping sane and getting away from the stresses of life in cambodia. so i dont apologise! also i dont care about bad spelling so feel free to criticise...
...and also im not that bothered about getting a tan...
...i havent lost that much weight either, but i will try and put on a few pounds over christmas...

freezing cold but happy to be home.
Ben.

insult to injury

thanks for your comment jeni. we will all continue to pray for you and the family.

addind insult to injury ive had a frustrating week with loads of stuff breaking on me. the toilet got blocked, which was not a pleasant job to fix. my bike is busted, apparently i need new spark plugs but i dont have the motivation to take it to the shop. also my mouse trap has produced no furthur fruit which is a real shame as i was starting to get a taste for hunting. john, kerrys husband (the family i lived with for a month) has this air pistol, i might have mentioned about it, john hunts deer in USA so he's got a pretty mean shot. after a few weeks of trying to shoot one i gave up, john on the other hand shot 4 last week. my pride was utterly broken.

after all that has happened over the last few weeks i have genuinely started to enjoy living here, i have come through the culture shock time period and saw the light at the end of the tunnel. like i said i am a third of my way through my time here which came a as a shock when i realised that. although i feel like i have only just begun to really understand the way things work here and start to be effective. i hope the next 6 months will be fruitful.

for now i say goodbye, who knows when i will see you again...

Ben.

bus to bangkok

Robb.
I miss you my friend and I am sad that you left before i could say goodbye. i prayed that i would be able to see you again but i know that i will, just not this side of life.
I take great peace knowing you are now in heaven with God and can no longer experience pain or suffering, of this I am envious.
I will always remember you but I will see you soon.
much love my brother.
your friend,
Ben.


i seriously considered getting on the next bus to bangkok and hitchhiking across the continent. then i realised that i wouldnt be back in time for christmas or the funeral so i stopped wishing.

one thing i have come to realise after everything that has happened to me here and after all that i have seen and done. a lot of things in life change but there is only one thing that remains consistant throughout everything. having christ jesus as our saviour. nothing else in life is as faithfull and strengthens us like him.

forgotten by the world,
remembered by god.

Ben.

book stealing student thief

what a strange day today....

i walked around in a buz it felt like a dream, i wasnt all there.
church went by quick then i feel asleep in the afternoon without eating anything. when i woke up it was pitch black outside. it was only 6:30 but it felt like a new day, plus i slept in my clothes so i was a bit crusty. so then isaac and me went out for a drink up at the lake side and ended the evening in the internet cafe, hence this post.

isaac bought another tuk-tuk this week which means he has about 6. he rents them out to khmer guys to run a business with, for whatever reason he has three of them in his front room. im going to steal one next month for a few weeks.

so much is changing at the moment, it seems like one of those times where nothing is the same from one week to the next, particularly whilst im here and a lot is going on back in the UK. you imagine that everything will be just as you left it, but i know that worthing will be a different place and people will be doing different things. the glory days are over and a new era has begun!

good news on the university front. midge is going to type up some khmer invitation slips for me and sothy to hand out at the uni on friday. we're going to invite students to the church for an english conversation club. its exciting, i went up to the uni on saturday and i recon we can get something up and running. even if nothing happens its nice to spend some time with sothy outside church and make some memories. we're going over to his uni as well so i think we could meet quite a large bunch of people, even on saturday when there were no classes the uni was pretty busy with people sitting round studying. plus the grounds are soo nice, a big lake and massive fields right up by the bank kak lake area of the city. its worth a visit just to walk around, i want to go and check out their library, i dont know if they will let me just walk in, but there wasnt anyone on the gate on saturday and the library door was wide open without a single responsible looking person in view...brillant.
so ive become a book stealing student abducter thief man. im sure the authorities will love me.

on a positive note, physically i have been very well and have had no problems with the police or traffic accidents etc. i havent really had a bad stomach or any other unmentionables...you know what i mean. so thanks for your suport and all that.

i cant believe that a third of my time has passed already. thats why im excited about the university stuff, i really want to leave a mark on the church here and if i can get a good group emerge from our friday conversation club and introduce them inot the church i think it will set some good foundations for future growth. steve seems pretty positive about the whole idea and i think he is excited that im steping out a bit and getting around on my own and trying to start things up. what else am i here for? other than the cheap beer and hot weather...
christmas is odd in such hot weather and its only getting hotter, it is the complete oposite of last year at heene road where we all slept with a half dozen layers on! happy days.

some like dylan for others it's lennon
for me it is heaven to be...johnny cash.

Ben.

life giving

two interesting things to report today.
firstly you'll be glad to hear i caught a mouse. went out and bought this sticky trap which is like this big square carpet tile with sticky glue all over it and you put bread crumbs in the middle and wait for the mouse to come along and get stuck. worked a treat, only problem is it doesnt kill them so you end up with a strugling mouse in the middle of this sticky mess all over the kitchen floor. im still debating how to dispose of the creature...

second, and slightly more life giving than life taking. i went over to the royal phnom penh university today to check it out. i mentioned to steve that i wanted to see if i could go over there every now and then to see if i could do anything. my idea really was to set up an english conversation club at the church and invite the uni students. its certain to draw a crowd and would be a great way to meet more khmer and introduce them to our church. so i went over there are drove round a bit, they dont seem to have a reception and i couldnt find anyone who looked like they might be in charge, it is a pretty big campus and i was mighty impressed. so i got their phone number and will give em a buz somtime this week. i really hope something comes from this i really have faith for it and am getting excited by the prospect of doing more student stuff both here and in england.
the fact that i am actually from england puts me in pretty good chances to get a job somewhere teaching, if i could do a day a week at the university as a class room assistant or something that would be ideal. it would be good to have a bit extra cash, not that i need the money, and i really like the atmosphere up there, its a lot quiter and chilled out than the main city area.
so who knows what the new year will bring. i really hope this uni door opens up the possibilities are literally endless.

tis the season.
Ben.

homework

well its been a productive week here. for several reasons you soon realise that it is only possible to pencil in one serious activity per day. everything takes twice as long! especially if you are in the back of isaacs tuk-tuk going to pick up some school desks and he randomly decides to pick up these two tourists walking along the road. nice girls though turns out they are from israel and are tavelling around asia, they said meeting us was the best thing they had seen in what appeared to be a fairly small and uneventful city. there was a lot of truth in what they said, it can be uneventful! if i ever go to israel i have a contact now...though i dont suspect i ever will.

ive had a really positive week and have been in good spirits, which i admit is not often the case. it seems like time is flying by and that the new year will be here soon. i cant believe nearly a third of my time here has already passed.

My sister mentioned how impressed she was with that little line of khmer i put into one of my blogs a while back so i thought id show off a bit and show you my homework...

knyom pneak moam bpram pii konla nung knyom mien slaw slop a ha be bruk. knyom jol jet neyam num pang som rap slaw slop a ha be bruk. knyom chengpii pteah maom chet bpram boone kot nung knyom tu dial twulgaa maon bpram boone kot. a ha tnai dtrong knyom neyam buy nung seik. che tomada knyom klien buy. rohl tnai knyom jol jet leng dopbal bon dap burl clah knyom mok yuid be broa knyom mien neyam a ha lung neat. nebal nit jear yop knyom som ran. bon dap nit jear bplaik rohl tnai.

i get up at seven o'clock and have breakfast.i like toast for breakfast. i leave the house close to nine o 'clock and i arrive at work at nine. for lunch i eat rice and meat. usually i am hungry. in the evening i like to play football but usually i am late because i have to eat dinner. when it is night i go but it is a late night!

stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
Ben.

Forgotten

had a long chat with steve about culture shock this week. i think i was visibly frustrated with a few things that had happened and he picked up on it. fair enough, i was in a pretty bad mood. je jad a really personal prophesy for me today which was so accurate i thought 'yeah thats not bad' it described exactly how i feel at the moment and what is going on in my life, it was really encouraging and helpful so ive spent a bit of time thinking about that one. its always good when someone says something like that and it really makes you think and sort yourself out. its especially good because i know i needed to hear it and it came at a good time.

we discussed my role with the kids work and i shared a bit about how its been going. i still really struggle with it and regularly want to quit. to add to that i know im really not gifted in this area, so this is one of the things which has frustrated me this past couple of weels. yet i know that it has relieved a massive part of steves week and im happy to serve. one thing i really felt god speak to me about was about being 'forgotten' it all ties together! 'forgotten by the world remembered by god' i think its true that everyone wants to be remembered and is scared of death because they havent left much of a legacy. thats pretty much how i feel... i was thinking about my great grandparents and that fact that i know nothing about them, in fact i dont even know their names or anything about where they lived or what they did with their lives. this made me think that actually unless we are the president of america all of us are going to be forgotten by future generations, not that anyone knows anything about past presidents or kings etc. quite a sobering thought if you think about it long enough. it puts into perspective the whole 'storing up treasures in heaven' thing and releases you from worrying about tomorow too much, i know im guilty of that.

anyway, as you can tell im feeling philosophical again, and i still cant spell that word.

tonight its time for another instalment of male aggression and competative zeal as cambodias expat elite gather for the weekly and much antisipated football game. thank god for football.

Ben.

ESPN

nothing of any real interest has happened here for a while. spurs beat charlton 5-1 which was propbably the highlight of my week. premiership football is great all the games are live on tv every weekend. problem is they all start at about 10pm at night which is rubbish if you have to get up for church, which starts at 9am...

ive been thinkin about trying to learn the violin for the last few years. now i have the time and the petience to do it i thought id give it a shot. isabelle a frenh lady who runs the kids work at the church might be getting a job at logos school a christian school in the city and apparently they have some good music teachers. hopefully my parents are going to bring one over in january so i can spend a bit of time practicing more then.

living in the flat on my own is quite difficult, im not really made that way, i like to think im more of a social person. having said that i have ESPN so i havent really thought about it too much ive just sat around watching sport with all my free time. biggest problem at the moment is the wildlife, i keep finding droppings on the kitchen worksurface, so i shoved a mat under the door where i recon they must be coming from only to find half of it eaten and all over the floor in the morning. so im going to go out and get some big 'im going to kill you' looking mouse traps. it does provide a certain amount of entertainment. rats on the other hand are a whole different game, really you need a little cage but im not sure i want to catch them alive, steve says they catch them all the time then drown them, although this approach did originally appeal to my evil sense of justice, i realise now that i wouldnt want to go anywhere near a rat that has been locked in a cage all night and desperate to escape. knowing my luck i would probably get eated by it or something...stranger things have happened. i will up date you on what happens, maybe i shold catch them then strap them to my moto's wheels? that would be fun...any suggestions would be much appreciated, also if anyone has any good rat catching stories or any family techniques that have been passed down the generations that might be useful i wold love to hear them.
my favorite one was when dad caught a mouse by its tail in a trap then put it in a shoe box and reversed over it. that always brings back fond memories and maks me laugh!

im off to kill me some rodents.
over and out.
Ben.

gypsy boy

sothy got invited to the christmas party at the US embassy on christmas day which sunds great, in fact i was well jealous. im thinking of getting the bus down to the beach for a few days in between christmas and new years, maybe even head over to Bangkok for a few days. Most of the church, like i said, have already gone home for christmas, so its going to be quite a small affair.

Things here are going well, business as usual really. i keep meeting khmer people who can speak a little english and just want to talk to me all day. it could get frustrating but the novelty value hasnt worn off yet.

Its funny after a while you just run out of things to say about it here. i guess that means ive stopped discovering new places and new things and just settled into day-to-day life...im sure i can fill out a few blog pages with random ramblings.

the responsibility of being responsible is too much of a responsibility for someone who isnt used to alot of responsibility. having said all that, assuming you know what i mean, i think ive taken to most of my tasks with alot of energy. it has been hard doing stuff that i wouldnt normally choose to do and having to serve in ways that i know are not my gifting. i realise that even these things are good for your character. if you only did the things you were good at how would you grow? that doesnt mean im any good at it though! i still suck at doing the wednesday afternoon kids club. and like i mentioned the other day im really not looking forward to the christmas presentation by the youth that will no doubt be a reflection on me. its equally frustrating for the church and for the leaders sometimes to have everything translated, we are having a whole evening to talk about it and discuss the best way forward ad the best way to serve both the khmer and the westerners. im not really sure it is working at the moment and have predicted a fairly heated evening. should be fun! i will let you know what happened and a damage report eg. how many broken noses...ahh church politics, my old nemesis.

i was looking forward to the trip to australia. although im still not sure if its going to be ok for me to go. from the way steve said about it i got the impression that maybe the conference itself wouldnt be appropriate for me to go to. im not quite sure what this means. to be honest the whole reason i wanted to go was to be part of it and to meet all the people and enjoy the conference, if its just church leades and wives then thats ok. i dont want to go there just for the sake of going. like i said i wanted to be part of the group meeting there in march. its a long way to go on my own with no real reason to be there.
o well, we shall see in the upcoming months.

so ive been at this new flat for nearly a week, already i have been told to make arrangements to go elsewhere. which is a bit of a bummer and at first i wasnt really that happy about but i dont really have much of a choice as libby gets back from down under in a few weeks. im majorly reluctant to put an advert out in the christian newsletter that goes round, after all they are such a weird bunch those christians. and living with out and out missionaries doesnt really appeal to me that much. maybe it would be better than living alone, who knows? one thing is for sure i am a gypsy. at least i dont have to sleep in the wood huts like most of the people.

i will try and post some photos when i get to the smiths house for cell group later. these internet cafe pc's are pretty rubbish really, on the plus side im learning to be patient with them. if you try and rush they just crash and then the little man shouts 'otay, otay, twer la-ore, nit jear tlay mlay' (no, no, be good, it is very expensive) that always makes me laugh.

tomorow never dies.
Ben.

'they' (who ever they are)

sorry for my lack of blogging recently. i have just moved into a new flat, which in some ways is good, i have my opwn space, although i've never lived alone before and all the responsibility of being responsible is weighing me down.

im sending a couple of packages home this week, they (who ever they are) have made a Khmer worship CD, which is basically the latest hillsongs album translated. everyone here thinks its great. i've got to be honest i dont agree, but if the khmer love it then who am i to disagree?

christmas is fast approaching, there is an odd feeling in the air about christmas here. officially they dont celebrate it...because they are buddhist. however they have lights, trees, santas, carols and christmas shops everywhere. which i really wasnt expecting, so im getting in a festive mood, plus it rained yesterday which is very rare for december and is about the closest it gets to snow.

after my performance with the katalyst christmas show last year in worthing i vowed never to do it again, unfortunately no one from cambodia was there to see it and they all believe i will do a better job this year. i am less convinced, either way we have some funny songs and poems and even a bit of monty python slipped in there, of course the kids have never heard of monty python so they dont get the joke...its all adult humor. they think im crazy laughing my head off at the most stupid things but i've spoent alot of time convincing them the adults will love it.

its odd to be somewhere where people leave to go home for christmas, literally half the church isnt going to be here. i have always been on the other end, welcoming people back for christmas from their various travels. haveing said all that there is alot of what happens here that i've never done or seen before. i think thats why im always soo tired, because im always doing and seeing new things, this really is a crazy country.

one of the problems of living in this new flat is i am faced with the old classic 2 hardest decisions of the day scenario i was so accoustomed to in heene road.

1. should i get out of bed?
2. should i get out of the shower?

once these two have been made im set for the day, problem is the day starts quite late because my decision making is slowed by the introduction of a luke warm shower. after 2 1/2 months of ice cold showers its an odd feeling to have a warm shower every day, its even stranger to get out of the shower and feel cold. i wonder how i will adjust back into the european climate, i will probably have to wear jumpers for a few months!

'they' (who ever they are) have deemed it possible for me to go to sydney in march, which is good news although i havent got the official go ahead from headquarters in sydney. i was thinking i might try and organise a trip to japan in may. its a fair distance but if i can afford it and have the time why not? after all im already half way round the world why not go the other half? i guess id end up home then right?

this is ben tucker reporting for blogger news on a rather uninteresting day in phnom penh.

Ben.

for Robb....

i dont know what to say.

i was shocked by the news about Robb's cancer. as soon as i saw a few emails saying 'urgent' and 'Robb Heaton' i knew something was wrong. i prayed 'god please dont let it be cancer again' of course then i read the emails and literally ran to Steve+midges house and prayed with them for a while. i had to go and find somewhere quite, then i broke down. im not ashamed to say i cried my eyes out. it was the first time in my adult life i have genuinely cried and not been able to stop. i sat there for over an hour.

i started to remember the things that Robb said to me at our cell group leaving party a few months ago before i left. he is a good friend and i love him dearly. there is nothing i can really do being this far away. if anyone see's him can you please tell him that i am thinking of him. i dont know whether he will read this, i assume not.

i cant underestimate how sad and shocked i have been feeling about this whole situation.

so in one sense it has been a traumatic week that reached a climax this morning in church. we had two new khmer come along for the first time so i needed to change my plans for the worship and include some more khmer songs to help them feel at home. unfortunately i am still learning the songs so really badly bluffed my way through it. i was relieved to have it over by the end, although steve was encouraging i felt utterly crap. a plus point was that straight after we had our khmer cell group/alpha style bible study. which is always good and vern one of the new guys is really interested and asking some great questions. so i am feeling good about that...can you see i am trying to be positive!

i managed to break my bike aswell. the line that connects the motor to the engine got cut open somehow. its a pain not to be able to use it untill i can take it to the repair shop. ughhhh stress. again, though, on a plus i took a moto taxi to church this morning and the guy was 20 years old and said that he learned to play guitar and sings christian songs. it is hard to assume that means he is a christian but it was nice to meet him anyway. he sits on the corner all day every day just outside my house, so im going to chat with him a bit more and practice my khmer with him.

some people who know me well might say that im clumsey, i would argue that im accident prone. either way i managed to drop this big heavy metal padlock on my foot which left me with this big cut. fortunately i was searching through my stuff and found the first aid kit lucy made for me to bring here and raided it for plasters. i found some paracetemol as well and downed a few of them! i also had heat rash on my left hand and my forearm which is a little worrying as ive never had it before, at first i thought it was leprosey or something. good thing it has nearly gone now.

forgive my complaining (and spelling), iam trying to paint a real picture of what it is like here and my day-to-day struggles. i hope i am being honest enough for you to understand that i am not in paradise and for you to realise that there is a cost that has to be paid. the gospel is advancing here at a steady pace, sometimes its barers struggle.

dedicated to Robb. i am thinking and praying for you always my brother and friend.

Ben.

glutous maximus

It turned out to be a real good few days down at the beach, a few days i wish had turned into a week. i was tempted by a gesthouse with beds for $3 a night. i figured i could live here pretty cheap for a few months then catch a bus home. my adult reason turned on and i humbly got into the car, a truely defeated and under adventurous traveller. maybe 2 monhs was too much anyway, i could have stayed for another couple of nights!

so straight after my last blog, in the shack just off the beach, i went and parked my glutous maximus in this nice little restaurant, one of the many that litter the beach front. i sipped a glass of ice cold beer and shoved mouthful after mouthful of lok-lak down my gob whilst watching a rather magical sunset. it made me think that actually i have seen this before many times whilst sitting on worthing beach or up on the downs. im just seeing it from a different angle today. its strange what the mind does when its starved of rational human conversation. i sat back and finished my book then partisipated in some fire poi khmer style...
...i enjoyed it soo much i did the same thing the next day at a different place then suddenly realised that you could do this for weeks before getting bored, there are soo may beaches with soo many bars and restaurants, what at first seemed a rather small and unappealing place suddenly opened up into a world of possible relaxation and chilled out beach bars. i must say the temptation to stay was huge. im glad im back in the city now though! cheap internet!

the three days cost me $25 per day, thats living pretty well. i recon i could survive down there on $12 a day. i will have to make another trip at some point to test my estimate.

i bought a bunch of books from a bookstore in sihanoukville. the political biography of pol-pot, a khmer dictionary and a book called 'off the rails in phnom penh' its all about the drugs, guns and girls of cambodia a paints a very vivid picture of life in the late nineties in the city. i must say although some of the stories dont leave much to the imagination it has been quite captivating and opened up a whole new understanding of the political scene, the recent history, and various funny anecdotes about westerners trying to buy guns and huge bags of heroine from market sellers. it is a strange world where anything that once seemed crazy to anyone with any common sense or conscience, now seems normal and acceptable.

life and times of a solitary adventurer.
Ben.

if you know what i mean...

so it turns out there is an internet cafe at the beach... its not really a cafe and im amazed it can sustain any decent internet service. it is basically a bamboo shack in a field with half a dozen computers casually slotted in either side. i cant imagine what they do when it rains. plus it costs 3 times more per hour so i was a bit narked. it is still only about 60p for an hour, but when your paying about 18p in the city it really bothers you.

the beach here is ok. if you got rid of all the tourists it would be a great place. it is actually really beautiful and the hotel is nice. it has cable tv and aircon which is worth every penny. unfortunately this means ive been lying on my bed watching premiership football ever since we arrived. appart from a bunch of beach bars and boat rides to nearby islands there isnt a lot to do which is nice. most of the people here are in big groups travelling together. which makes you feel a bit stupid sitting on your own. maybe im still too conscious of what other people think?

the ride down was good. it took 3 1/2 hours and we stopped at this waterfall outside the town whcih again was really beautiful. im going to try and post some photos when i get back to the city. like everything here something has potential to be really nice but is overshadowed (in my opinion) by the realities of khmer culture. for example, there is litter everywhere, which ruins the beach, there are more beggers and girls offering a massage (if you know what i mean). plus a lot of tourists who come here have few goals other than drinking and meeting locals (if you know what i mean) so it all makes for a fairly immoral place. fortunately i have sky sports to keep me company!

i realised yesterday, as i sat on the beach looking deep into the gulf of thailand and trying to avoid getting stung by all the jelly fish that were washing up around me, that i am as far away from home as i could ever possibly be. i wanted to get away and see the world, now i have.

we're half way there whoa-oa living on a prayer.
Ben.

BIG chunk of wood.

well its been a busy week. as they say time fliys when your having fun. time flys faster when your busy. ive hit my stride in terms of work and have a pretty full shedule.

its been great in terms of building for the future. this week alone we met three khmer men my age who all want to come to church and learn about Jesus. i wish i could take credit for it but Sothy(sotea) and Danet(dan-i) are really good at bringing others in. its been great to be faced with the prospect of some male Khmer in the church. there are barely any men both western and khmer so it would be great to boost the testosterone level.

so in answer to a bunch of emails about the specifics of my future plans. here we go. by the way did you notice how i went off on this self righteous rant about telling someone so its hard to back out of a decision then i didnt say a word about what i had decided? i have a big chunk of wood in my eye.

im planning 2 years in advance at the moment.

1. carpentry apprentership? i think this is a wise decision and ive always wanted to get a trade. plus building stuff is just soo cool.
2. leadership trainning with new frontiers. its a possibility but who knows?

then i have a bunch of stuff i have been delaying which i have decided to get done over these two years...like driving lessons.

i have a more in depth list which im not going to publish on here because it includes other more personal information, but rest assured i will tell someone about that stuff so all the bases are covered.

im probably not going to be able to post abnything on here till next weekend because of the long awaited beach trip this week. feel free to picture me sunning it up on a beach in the gulf of thailand with a decent novel in one hand and a pint of ice cold lager in the other. this is all i want. i hope i wont be dissappointed.

long live the king.

Ben.

a poor unsuspecting sun lounger

Its been an interesting few days. we had a boat party for Emily, a lady in the church who is going back to England for a period of time to get refreshed. no one is sure if she will come back though. life here can be really hard for people who put everything into it and see very small results. i think it has been a hard time for her. either way she is pretty sad to be going to England. i dont know if that is how i will feel but i tell you the truth i stood there all evening wishing it was my leaving party. i guess you could say im feeling home sick, although i hate to admit it.

Steve and I had the ''chat'' that had been booked in for over a month and i was desperately trying to avoid. Steve challenged me about planning for the future...something I came to Cambodia to avoid...or at least delay for another year. So i spent some time thinking about it and weighing up my options. Bob, who was over for a month from New Zealand, was really helpful, we went out a few times together just to chat and make use of his decades of experience. he is a truely remarkable man. i have a lot of respect for him. he said that its great to make decisions but unless you tell someone about them it is all too easy to back out and not commit to them. so there we go...i told someone. as soon as i did i was thinking 'have i made the right decisions?' I said to Lucy in an email the other day that my biggest fear is making the wrong decision. Im learning to get over it! its blummin hard though.

in other news...
i had my first Khmer hair cut. you have 3 options with this.
1 - you can go to a western salon ($4-7)
2 - Khmer salon ($1-2)
3 - you can have some dodgy looking bloke on the side of the road do it ($0.3)

i went to a Khmer salon and paid a buck. i think it was worth it, but next time im gonna argue and get it cheaper. apparently i paid too much. i dont know whether that was a comment about the state of my hair after the cut or just a genral comment about Khmer slaons, either way it doesnt look too bad. unlike when dad shaved our heads for world cup2002, i will leave that one to your imaginations...

...really flippin looking forward to going to the beach on monday. i cant wait to get away. i really need a holiday, so it should be good. im not planning on doing anything all week. i have a stack of books and a body of pale skin. so i will set up camp down on some poor unsuspecting sun lounger for the week.

It has been really great reading emails from people all over the world who have been checking out the blog. it has been a real encouragement, so thanks a bunch.
If you havent but want to the address is:
bentucker_87@hotmail.com
please stay in touch.

Psalm 91:1
Ben.

punching walls

glad to hear things are starting to get cold in the UK. sadly things are starting to heat up this end of the line. i remember like it was yesterday going to bed with a hot waterbottle in my sleeping bag under a big double duvet whilst still partially clothed. ahh heene road.

it has been good making friends here (as i mentioned in my philosophical rant in the last blog) yet it dawned on me that because of everything im doing here and the whole reason im here it is hard to build lasting friendships. everything i do here whether it be to do with the church or anything else is all linked into the whole bigger picture of my experience in this culture. so in some respects making friends feels a bit like going to work. unlike in worthing if i wanted to detach myself from the stress of working for the church, i could go and hide somewhere, but here it is impossible to find anywhere to retreat to. even my home and friends, outside of the church, cannot help me with this one. they are all part of my life here and i cannot escape it.

having said all that i havent really wanted to escape...yet. even someone with the best intentions still needs to find somewhere quiet where they can punch the wall.

...........change of subject needed

still looking at hummingbirds on ebay. its still going to be a while before i can afford one but there is a plan set in motion. i dread to think what has happened to jo-anna (my takamine) in the hands of joseph witchurch. i need another girl to name the next guitar after...any suggestions?

live long and prosper.
Ben.

a philosophical week.

its been a strange week. ive nearly hit 8 weeks away from home. a couple of days ago i bought a moto (scooter) which has been great fun, getting out and about on it has given me the freedom i knew i really needed. plus its just so cool. i felt so homesick when dad told me about his new car...ughhhhh.

www.sjtucker.blogspot.com
its pretty sweet.

we're going down to the beach in 2 weeks time which should be good, although im not sure how itsa going to be having a holiday with the smith boys. to be honest i think i need a holiday without them. but either way my new philosophy continues to lead me into interesting situations and relationships...

My New Philosophy:
'never turn down an oppertunity to build relationships'
its that simple.
however, it means that even if i feel crappy i still go out if im invited, or if im unsure about doing something or its with someone i dont really know all that well, ive decided to jump for everything thats thrown my way. the idea being that i will get the most out of my time away.
i was also thinking about life...as you do when you have alot of time with nobody but yourself, and it dawned on me that life is just one constant string of relationships. whether they are long or short you meet people and build them everyday. they are what makes life interesting. if someones life is predictable and boring i would suggest it is because they have stopped caring about the people around them and have shut themselves off.
anyway there it is.

so with this in view ive been meeting some really strange people with equally strange stories. we went down to the 'backpackers'part of town last week. i went with issac who i barely know and we picked up his friend mike who i just met that evening. we went down to a quiz night at the lazy geko bar. issac took off to attend a pregnant woman and left me with mike who i just met...
...so mike see's this bunch of girls he met at a halloween party the night before so we sat with them...again i didnt know any of them. we all chipped in on the quiz questions and by the end of the night wo won by a slim margin. everyone who plays chips in a doller then the winning team takes all. unfortunately these girls had by this time a pretty huge tab (they were drinking alot) so most of the money went to pay that off...but i did get $5 out of it. so not a bad evening altogether. having said that the company although interesting were not exactly wholesome and the conversation was far from edifying. that payed my food bill for the week.

football continues to be my social highlight of the week. the 'womb' refers to a big cut in my elbow i suffered from getting a little too competative. although, this week just gone was by far the dirtist so far. my goodness. it was great. i think i have a few enemies now...

must go i have people to meet and relationships to build.
email me at : bentucker_87@hotmail.com
please forward this email and by blog address on to others. thanks for reading.
relaxing and maxing.
Ben.

sack of potato's

i hope these posts are still proving interesting to read. maybe this one will be more interesting.
...
the night was halloween and the sun had fallen behind a blanket of darkness. the moon was draped in a foggy mist and roamed in the air like a thief in the night. for many this would be a normal night. for others it would prove so horrible that no words could mask the events of such happenings only the testimony of those who were unfortunate enough to be eye witnesses.

a small gathering of friends under the shadow of an abandoned hotel would prove a worthy adversary for a night of intense competative sport and manly showmanship. the ego in the air was almost as pungent as the odor from sweaty shirts. legs were sent flying. reputations were forming and amongst the ego,odor and spooky mist one man finds himself with the ball at his feet. running like the wind he hit his stride. with a foot on the ball and a balance momentarily misplaced the valient warrior hits the ground harder than a sack of potatos. the makeshift arena fell silent as blood poured from the womb and sweat dripped from the brow of a fallen giant. yet all was not lost as the ball rolled into the net to the sound of 'champions!'

the night was a staggering sucess for the underdogs who came out on top despite being massively under manned and full of rubbish thai's. this night like many others sums up the social lives of a large proportion of expat blokes in PP.

praise God for football.

a spoon full of discipline

the baptisms yesterday were a massive result. we went to logos school in toul kok which is a international christian school with a nice big pool and dunked a bunch of people. it was great to hear my friend sothy give his testimony and hear from some of the other khmer who had recently been added to the church. what a great time.

ive re evaluated the marathon idea...they have a 10k run which is more managable and i ran about 3k the other day before i started to feel tired, so i recon with a spoon full of discipline i could do 10k. plus how cool would it be to say i did a 10k run round angkor wat. result.

tonight is charlie and steve's engagement party they booked a boat on the riverside to go out on. apparently they invited like over 60 people so it should be a right bash. throughly looking forward to it.

its time to give, its time to go.
Ben.

sunburnt and twisted

lots to say today.

its been a really hectic week and to be honest ive been really stressed. im still not sleeping well and have a load of stuff on my mind, so its been a really testing week.
i read in the paper about a half marathon at angkor wat in december and ive decided to give it a go. well im going to check out the web site now! i ran three times round the northbridge football fields...which is quite a distance. i recon i ran 2 miles before i started to feel tired. so i have a way to go before i could run 13. im going to see if my american friend dave wants to give it a go. should be a laugh.
we played expat football on tuesday night which was great. a whole mix of people from all over the world. its mainly westerners and its with a full size ball on a small concrete parking lot it was really competative, im going to make sure i get there every week. its a really good work out and ive met a bunch of good people.

went out with sothy yesterday (pronounced so-tea) he wanted to introduce me to his friends at university so we first went and walked up the riverfront and watched the boats getting ready for the river festival next week, then we had a coffee and went up to the uni. unfortunately i wasnt allowed into the university , the guard said it was because they were having classes, which i understood but then i thought that seems weird because surely they are always having classes. anyway sothy reconed he wanted a bribe to let me in and i didnt have any money on me so we left. it was good to relax together and see each other to build our friendship. it is good having someone of that age that i can talk to about stuff. he was telling me all about his girlfriend and showed me a picture of her. none of the men get married untill they are 30 and have a decent job. sothy seemed to think that if you get married in your 20's you are destined to get a divorce. i think that is one of those cultural things that i will never understand.

im going to get a licence and a motobike soon. the reason i want to do this is because it allows you so much more freedom and the amount of money im spending on transport at the moment is quite alot. so by the end of my year here im sure i will save money by getting one...plus their so cool. there are thousands of them on the roads here.

i was chatting to mum on the phone earlier i cant believe its been 8 weeks since ive been here. which means only 8 months to go! she was please to remind me that i will be coming home...love you mum. cant wait to hear about all their adventures in india.

im a little sunburnt today which is the first time that has happened but my skin is slowly going a browny gold colour. im not sure if this is because of the sun or the dirt either way i still stand out a mile from the khmer.

livin it up.
ben.

now or never, forever?

I booked a bunch of language lessons this week. which should be good. ive been pretty impressed by myself and even steve commented that some of the khmer songs are sounding really good. im glad i went and got it sorted because now i have to make an effort. for me its quite a big financial commitment. so its now or never.

good to recieve your emails.

if you want to send something the postal address is
steve smith
po box 538
phnom penh
cambodia

Toul Sleng Genocide Museum

a cell...most dont even have windows
you can see the gallows on the right.
faces of the victims.

I dont have any words to say about this place. One thing is for sure I will never go back there as long as I live. seeing torture and death in movies is pretty bad but standing under gallows where thousands of people were hung and strung up is an aweful experience. the walls of faces will haunt me.

lets go fly a kite

this is the village the night after a big storm. you can see all the sewage water the kids play in. its all very unpleasant. i think i was well prepared for it so i wasnt too shocked but i think it was too overwhelming for Mary who didnt know what to expect.

these pictures were uploaded on a decent dell laptop which is by far the best ive used since being here. so they load up quicker, if i get the chance in the next few days i will try to add some more to the blog. i can imagine how hard it is to picture what things are like here by just reading my blogs. i can honestly say that this first month has been excelent and has blow away any expectations i had. i didnt really know what to expect before coming here but i feel very comfortable and at home.
these are a bunch of kids from stung men chay village.
this is harry buying a kite at independance monument a few sundays ago.

i forgot to tell you about my bike ride the other day i basically cycled all afternoon round a bunch of places id never have ended up in if i hadnt gone exploring. i did the british thing of never stopping to turn around or admit i was lost. just keep nodding and smiling. i ended up miles from anywhere safe and litterally nearly died sevral times. but the whole experience was good. i was dripping with sweat and my legs were cramping all over.

tumbleweed

this week has been great.
wednesday night a guy called dave from the usa came round for dinner. he works for some charity but is quite involved with the elim church and youth programe. they play football at least 3 times a week. so straight after dinner i jumped on his moto and we went to young life centre which is basically a youth centre where they do a bunch of outreach. they have about 60 regular khmer people coming to young life. so we played football in their yard which is slightly smaller than a tennis court. 3 a side. with this small wicker ball that looks abit like tumbleweed and is really bouncy. then play the winner stays on. it was the most fun ive had sinse being here. not only did i lose my bodyweight in sweat but it was real aggressive male bonding. plus there were a bunch of white expats my age there.
i met this guy jonny who is from northern ireland and is here for 3 months before going to kosovo. then two more kiwis called mark and justin. i couldnt believe it but these guys were the best out of all of us...and their from new zealand. apparently new zealand were in the world cup once but didnt score any goals. (at the end of the game this big fat khmer guy called sopy took of his shirt and wringed it out on the floor...there was litterally a pool of sweat. it was flowing like milk and honey. ughhh...)
...as you can imagine this was a really great thing to do (the football). ive had alot of independance since moving out and im really glad i did. plus haveing bob and mary with us has been fantastic, they are soo wise and full of knowledge about different weather patterns....long story.

my language is getting better. im going to start taking weekly lessons at this school near the market hopefully. these only cost about $3/4 for an hour so its well worth it. steve was quite impressed today when i sang one of the khmer songs at the practice. i could be alot more disciplined about it though so im really going to knuckle down.

i havent heard from the family in india yet. although mum sent a text saying their taxi driver had a death wish. i cant wait for them to see the traffic here.

another great thing about being with kerry is her tuk-tuk. she said she would show me how to work it then i can borrow it whenever i want. so if abyone comes to visit i might pick them up in the tuk-tuk. its pretty cool. i wish you could get one and take it back to england. although apparently they started a tuk-tuk service in brighton...

so life here is good. for the first time this week i actually realised that i could live here permantely and would be happy. but im not sure if that is what is going to happen so dont place any bets yet.

living in a pool of sweat.
Ben.

pace maker

wow what a crazy few days. Bob and Mary Cheesman from New Zealand have come over for a month. they are british but have lived in christchurch for 5 years. Both are in their 60's. and were amazed at the roads and traffic. i only realised after hearing them talk about it that i must have sounded the same a month ago...
Bob has a pace maker and is deaf in one ear. he is quite a pace maker himself he used to be the organisation manager for stonleigh bible week, which means he was overlooking all the medical, catering and security staff. mary is a little deaf in both ears and has hearing aids...bless them. they are a great couple. bob is going to be preaching on daniel for the next four weeks.
because of them coming to help with the home schooling and the fact that its their first time in asia they are staying with the smiths and i have been evicted! its actually good. i have landed on my feet. not only do i now have a bigger room. but it has an en-suite bathroom and a lockable door. so at least i can get some privacy. im staying with kerry a really nice american woman who used to come to the church but for whatever reason doesnt come any more. she has a bunch of kids one thai three khmer and one yank. they are all younger than Sam and jordan.

i get to do a bunch of tourist stuff this week with B&M which is good. we are going to toul sleng genocide museum which i havent been to yet and then to the royal palace.

today we went to (stung men chay) the village. it was my first time there and i actually really enjoyed it. i got to practice soe of my khmer phrases on the kids who just stood there and laughed at a white man speaking khmer! there was a massive thunderstorm last night so alot of the city is flooded today particularly down at the village which is by a small sewage river which bursts its banks in the wet season. this basically means that the whole place was ankle deep in sewage. the kids are all playing in it then they come and hug you. its all abit too much to do every week.

chris...a kiwi in the church got denge fever last week and had to be taken to bangkok for treatment there. its not a serious virus and the body treats its self 80% of the time. so its just a matter of enduring the pain for a few weeks. there are alot of sick people in the church here which you can understand when you see the condition some people live in.

i have been eaten alive by mossies.
forever young
ben.

headless chickens

thanks for all post matt. im looking forward to lost and newday...in that order! i havent preordered newday so it would make a much appreciated gift.
things here are really productive... yesterdday me and Steve spent 4 hours driving around the city trying to find somewhere that sells plastic so we could get a guy to build us a drum screne. on the plus side i got to see abit more of the city that i hadent been to yet. the north looks alot like bangkok with its high rise apartment buildings and seedy back streets which are always filled with people running around like headless chickens.
there are soo many odd things that happen here that you would never imagine ever happening on the streets of worthing. i saw a guy with a pig strapped to the back of his moto...not that weird but the pig had been gutted so all its insides were going on the road...there is still blood stains ! i cant remember if i already told that story. the incident with the rat seems to have died. not sure what happened the trap never went off and the mysterious rat screams stopped.

things here are well. keep reading and posting....i love all the banter.
long live 'lost'.
Ben.

cool aid acid test

ive been trying to upload some pictures but i fear it wont cope. we had a power cut at the office today and so there was no fans and no lights. this basically meant i was sweating in the dark. thankyou for you letters i had more than the smiths!
i was wide awake this morning at 5 am. there was a rat in the ceiling above my bed that was screaming and running around, so with a torch in one hand and a can of mossie repelant in the other i was armed and ready.
shadow (the cat) is proving to be a good rodent killer. i saw him kill and eat a mouse the other day. it sounds cool but it was actually quite disturbing. he pretty much swallowed the thing whole but stopped to crunch on its skull, which i recon you could hear a few streets away.

Bob and Mary are coming on tuesday for a month from new zealand. to take some of the preaching burden from steve and allow some time for language study. which will be good. they are english and im told Bob had led several churches in england so im keen to spend some time with him. it should be a good time.

i realised i havent told you anything about the country. probably because i havent seen much of it. some of the ladies in the church took the long ride to the beach for a few days this week and came back fully refreshed. im hoping to get down there for a few days before christmas.

im still not sleeping well, because of rats and other things, so i seem to be plagued with a never ending fatigue which has crippled me physically to the point of complete exhaustion. despite not actually being too busy.

i never thought id say it and so soon but i do miss everyone in england. however, i do feel like this is my 'cool aid acid test' it has helped me to realise that my relationship with god was heavily based on my relationships with my friends and the church. which is not altogether a bad thing but im learning to be more reliant in god alone and build something lasting. so far it has been a really positive experience.

we went kite flying on sunday afternoon down by independance monument (the only open space in the city centre big enough to pursue this pastime) it was good. although we saw some dilomat drive by with a police escort one of the police men asked glynn if he could have one of his children. this was altogether quite an upsetting experience for me more than anyone. the kids just shrug it off.

midge has the second part of a painful root canal operation today so i must rush home and stay with the boys when they go to the dentist.

long but not lost.
Ben.

Bob+Harry

06/10/2006
da neak jol jay plah bomb tay?
Do you like apples?
Baah, kynom jol jay plah bomb
Yes, I like apples

The word for cucumber is hard to pronounce. You have to roll your tongue on the ‘dt’
Dtrong sot
There is a silent‘t’ on the ‘sot’

Tay, kynom men jol jay dtrong sot
No, I don’t like cucumber.

Maysien has been teaching me and Jordan Khmer. He has spent the last three years resisting but he has no excuse now. If he is annoying me I speak to him in Khmer and he soon shuts up. He knows if mum or dad hears the conversation they will make him answer me. If he pronounces something wrong he has to keep going till he gets it right. I try to repeat this exercise a few times everyday. Not only does it help my language but it’s also very funny.

soo much has happened its hard to tell all.
however....
The best joke I’ve heard since being here…and I’ve heard a lot!

A travelling faith healer stops at this town and prepares for an evening meeting. The crowds soon gather. He shouts at the top of his voice: ‘do you believe?’ they shout back ‘we believe’ he calls again ‘do you believe’ they shout even louder ‘yes, we believe’
He then calls into the audience for sick people to come and receive healing. A man called Harry comes onto the stage with clutches. The faith healer says ‘what’s wrong?’ Harry says ‘I want to walk again’ so the healer says ‘ok Harry wait behind this curtain.’
A second man walks onto the stage, his name is Bob. The healer says to him ‘what’s wrong?’ he says ‘I-I-I-I-I want to s-s-s-s-s-speak without a s-s-s-s-s-stammer’ so he says ‘ok Bob go behind this curtain.’
The faith healer then says

‘by the power given me I pronounce you healed.’
‘Harry drop your clutches and come out.’
‘Bob say something’

Bob replies ‘h-h-h-h-h-h-harrys fallen over’

(This had me laughing for hours)
Ben.

daylight robbery

Alex - No i will not bring an AK47 home. i dont think i would get it in my bag before someone tried to offer me their children for it. also i think the police would have something to say about the matter...probably a pat on the back for my courage and an outstretched hand for a big bribe...no joke.

Joe - I hope you were joking when you said you've dropped my guitar 7 times already? we didnt discuss the conditions of the loan but i want her back in one piece. plus...i though everyone named their guitars after girls? oh well the cat is out of the bag.

Luke - you can buy Lost season 1&2 for about 3 pounds each at the market...brilliant. if you have no conscience (like us) you can get some real bargains.

everyone else:

i paid $5 for 2 shirts yesterday aparently i was ripped off. i thought it was daylight robbery but apparently you can get 3/4 for $5. i need to work on my 'thats unfair just because im white i pay extra' face.

seeing as my occupation is basically baby sitter/guitar teacher i thought id kill two birds with one stone. im putting the finishing touches on the ultimate beginners guitar booklet. it has everything you could ever need to know...or in other words everything i know. by the end of lesson 10 a competent and hard working student will be able to play 'amazing grace' standing upside down whilst being poked with a giant stick. this is more fun than it sounds trying to convince children that this is the way everyone playes guitar. ahhhh ignorant children.

so apart from getting my kicks from confusing innocent children, it is very quiet here, i have a lot of time. yet i have a lot to do and always seem to be on my feet.

highlight of the week:
someone said 'you look very dappy today' apparently it means smart and well dressed. how very british.

over and out.
Ben.

dead chuffed...

Sunday 1st October

Another Sunday rolls by. This one was great. Although completely exhausting.
I met soti today. I’ve been waiting to meet someone like him since I arrived. He is basically a really gentle 20 year old Khmer guy. After about 5 minutes talking with him he said in broken English ‘I think you and I be friends long time’ he offered to take me out whenever I have free time to see more of the city and meet some more Khmer students. He told me all about traditions and cultural practices of the Khmer, what is rude and what is acceptable. I’m so happy to have this new friend. He is a man. My age and he speaks English. The first I have seen in three weeks.
Although he and his sister are Christians he faces a lot of pressure from his family. This is a very common problem amongst this young generation. Their parents spend a lot of time and money putting through school and university with the understanding that they will help the family and support them. There is a lot of other stuff I’m ignorant about.

We spent last night having dinner at Chris and dale’s new house. These guys are kiwi’s and have been here for about 2 years. They’re really nice people.

The actual morning meeting is good. Sopiri one of the Khmer girls gave her life to Christ this morning! This is real New Testament, Acts chapter 2 church.
I’ve played for the last three weeks but am off next week. I’m preaching in about a month at a family service which I’m looking forward to. I’ve done a few talks now in Worthing with the same sort of size crowd so I’m not worried. In fact I’m dead chuffed Steve was so willing to let me do it. So it should be good. I think I’m going to talk about Joshua and Caleb returning from Canaan with faith that Israel can take the Promised Land. What a story.

Steve is flying to Sydney this week for a men’s conference. So, I’m in charge…
It will be good to have to fend for myself. Get my own transport and buy food at the market on my own. Although I’ve been to the market on my own the only time I talked to anyone Steve or maysien was there with me. So I’m going to be bold and practice me Khmer on some poor, unsuspecting old woman who is trying to sell me ‘levis’…

Everything is good.

Ben.

insomnia

not alot to tell today. things have settled down and a routine emerging.
ive been feeling very stretched this week.
the last 5 nights i havent slept hardly at all. so ive become part human part zombie. im told this is the coolest time of the year...
imagine the hotest day of the year in england. multiply by 3 then imagine that is the coolest day of the year in cambodia. i know i have a reputation for over exaggerating but this is no joke...

bad start to the season for spurs. i havent been back to FCC yet but am fully intending on going soon. i hope i can catch some of the football there.

my language is getting better. i can say 1-29 in khmer. once you know 1,2,3,4,5 then 10. its just a matter of saying. 5+1=6. so once you know all the multiples of 10 and 100. you can say any number from 1 to a million.
the problem is everyone talks so fast even if you know the numbers its impossible to understand anything.

stayed up late watching lord of the rings yesterday. its is nice to step into a fantasy world for a few hours. let your mind switch off. plus being up late did help me sleep.
the smiths dont have any cable...but they do have alot of films.

ive gottern to know maysien a bit more recently. she does all the house work and alot of the cooking at the smiths. we went to the market together on wednesday which was good. but i think she had to pay extra for everything because i was with her. it is facinating to see their world, the things that are normal and acceptable in their culture that would be considered breaking the law in most werstern cultures. also seeing the strongholds in their lives, the things that cause their attitudes.

i think ive adjusted well. heidi spent 3 hours on the phone on her first day here.

it seems i did have alot to say today in the end. like i said before ive become a keen blogger

Ben.

so what?

Interesting few days…

First there was real tragedy among lots of missionaries and pastors. One pastor who has been here for 12 years committed adultery last week. He was apparently unrepentant and has caused a lot of pain. His son Micah came to stay. He led a church of about 500. Mainly Khmer. He started by just teaching English. Which always gathers a crowd, then built from there. He had just passed the leadership onto his eldest son. Steve was clearly very upset. I don’t know what to say.

Then positively a guy called sowat (so what? Sowat!), who was part of the church about 18 months ago. Phoned Steve out of the blue and said he wants to come back. No one knows why he left or if he made a commitment. We went and visited him today. His English is very good and he is going to come to the church on Sunday. This is really good news for Steve as sowat was one of their first real Khmer contacts.
So we went to his house, which was basically one room, with one big bed in the corner then a few little stalls round the edge. He apologised that his house was so small. Which I was baffled about. But offered us fruit and a drink and we got talking. He said how good it was to see Steve again and to meet me was a real pleasure. He shared his desire to go to university but because his wife doesn’t work and he has a child to care for he is stuck working at a motodop (a motorbike taxi station). For him and many like him his life is a constant struggle to support his family. His desire is to get out of this circle of poverty but the only way to do it would be to ask his family not to eat for a few years. It is a very hard life. Yet his smile was overpowering and his zeal for life captivating. I liked him a lot.

I have my second day of home schooling tomorrow. This should be interesting. It is actually very easy and the boys know what they have to do anyway. The lesson plans are really good and I have to say I think they are getting a much better education than I had. They are learning about all sorts of things I still don’t know anything about. Having said that because the material is American they spend a lot of time studying the Wild West and Abraham Lincoln etc…

There are only two things I really miss. Milk and Jo-Anna (my guitar). I would give anything to have her with me. I wish now I hadn’t worried about my baggage allowance and just taken the risk and brought her.
You can’t get good fresh milk here. The fresh milk is extremely creamy and very expensive.
But on the other hand I do eat mangoes for breakfast. Beggars cant be choosers…

punch bag

i need to set a few things straight:

1) i do not own an AK47
2) i did not try to smuggle one into cambodia
3) i have not been conscripted into the khmer rouge or anyother military force
4) i am not married and do not have any children
5) my name has not been changed to abdul
6) i am not dead

thankyou for letting me clear this up.

anyway...............
things here are plodding along slowly. im still exploring and taking everything in.
im saving my money for a few possible trips.
the smiths might be going on holiday to malaysia and have invited me.
also there is the pacific rim conference in sydney in april i really want to go to if possible. this is going to cost me about $1000 which is quite a chunk of my money for the year but i think i can afford it. so im just waiting to see if its ok for me to go.

i havent really spent any money yet. my visa for the year is $240 and ive got to pay some rent soon but except for that there isnt anything here really worth buying. i spend a few thousand riel in internet cafe's and on coffee occasionally. (this is not very much 8000 in one pound)

it feels like ive been here a lifetime i think the time is going to go slowly, but im not counting the days. i know why im here. so far its been a really positive start which is good. one thing i really miss is some good male bonding. there just arnt any blokes here. ohh well its a hard life...

my blogs will slow down eventually but because its all new ive been itching so tell someone about it all. so this has been a good punch bag for me. i must confess im quite the avid blogger now. i never thought i would be.

living the high life.
Ben.

photo's

this is a photo looking out from FCC over the river side. we had a picnic on the grass when it got dark. its really busy because of the naional festival this week everyone is out and about.



this is a photo of me and the boys on a tuk-tuk on my first week in PP. it was midge's birthday so we went out for the day.

went to FCC (foreigners correspondance club) a great bar full of westerners with BBC news channel on the tv. i think im going to go there and hang out abit. the view of the river is amazing and all the people are nice.

all your emails have been great. sorry i dont have much time to reply to all in full but they are much appreciated. there was a military coo ( i dont know how to spell that word) in thailand last week so the political situation has been tense. although most people in PP have seen it all before and just get on with their lives. no one seems to worry.

i will take time to add some more photosa of the city at some point soon. i really think you cant understand everything that is happening here untill you visit. it is an amazing place and i really feel at home. my language is getting better as i spend more time with khmers. im going to get a teacher soon but so far i know enough to get me by.

for shizzle me blizzel in de nizzle.
im teaching the boys a range of new vocabulary.

Ben.

p.s.
matt+luke i heard about the naked guitar photo on the powerpoint display....good one! i would say i regret it but i really dont...at least people will remember me! apparently don smith nearly fell off his chair... just think my nakedness could have killed don smith...if only. what a story that would be.

AIDS

My first Sunday.
We left the house at 8:15 had a prayer meeting before church! I led the worship with such profuse sweating everyone thought I was crying. It was so bad I did get quite emotional…even with 3 fans pointed straight at me.
Steve preached on the Holy Spirit and touched on some gifts. It’s very hard having to stop after every sentence to wait for the translation and I think there are some people who disagreed with what he said even though he backed it up biblically. I thought it was good.

This afternoon we had TLC which I thought stood for tender loving care! It actually stands for ‘taking a look at Christianity’ it is essentially an alpha course. Steve did the lesson on King Saul and discussed about faithfulness. One major problem is the women think it is ok for their husband to be faithful for 364 days of the year then visit a prostitute one day a year. Their whole understanding is immoral. But the girls are really nice and although they are not Christians they come to all the meetings and help Steve translate songs and sermons which is great. Sopiri is one Khmer student; she is 22 and speaks very good English. Midge says she is very clever so she thinks a lot about God. They know if she makes a commitment it is genuine because she has thought everything through and asked a lot of hard questions.

There is a woman from the village who visited the church today. She had a bible and was clinging on to every word. Her husband visited a prostitute and contracted aids then passed it on to her and their child. Steve and midge prayed for her and really want to see her healed. A few months ago they had some people in the village get healed and the church boomed as a result with many people all wanting Steve to pray for their children. Despite this because of a lack of manpower, doing weekly evangelism into the village has become impossible.

There is a lady in the church called Emily who reminds me a lot of my aunt Trisha. Nice lady. She works for YWAM training Khmer to become primary school teachers. They do not work under the name YWAM here, I’m not sure why.

Glynn and Tori a couple in the church have lived here for 18 months they work for SAO another mission organisation in the city. They have two of their own children then they have adopted 4 Khmer children and have recently had Heidi a British girl come over from Leister in the UK to help them for 6 months. Heidi plays the drums apparently…

In total the church is 50% adult 50% children.
Maybe only 1/5 Khmer.

Anyway…food time

FYI… the food here is totally amazing. It’s like being at the fortune inn every night!
God bless Midge!

Peace out.
Ben.

paranoid?

yesterday after church i wrote a massive blog on my laptop and will post it when i next get a chance. at the moment im in another of PP's many internet cafes.

the city is surprisingly western but i will never get used to being stared at. its horrible walking past a group of people and know they are talking about you. no...im not paranoid. you can tell because they point and laugh. i think something was funny earlier when i put a rain coat on? bizarre.

anyway i ventured out into the city centre today. i think im going to stay down in the south of the city its alot less busy and the moto drivers leave you alone after you say no once, whereas here they ask about 3 times. its very anoying when you get asked every 10 seconds.

tomorow is my first offical day of work. we are going to get tom (he is a tuk-tuk driver who says he is a christian but goes to another church. this is something they here all the time) on his tuk tuk to pick up a new desk and some chairs to help expand the office.

AK47

Wow…what a week.
Its been a week of firsts for me:
1. first tuk-tuk
2. first moto
3. first AK47 (for those of you who know nothing…this is a seriously cool Russian rifle)
4. first elephant (outside a zoo)
5. first time I’ve lived in someone else’s home
6. first time I got called a missionary!
7. first time I travelled alone
8. first time I’ve been to the tropics
9. saw my first land mine victim…a guy with two plastic legs at the market.
10. my first Cambodian beer…..i think they peel the label off Budweiser and put a new one on.

The list goes on.

Life here is great. The city is busy but the life is slow. I’m getting used to the pace of things and the atmosphere. The heat is suffocating.
It’s hard to say all that has happened. I cant imagine reading this and fully grasping what it is like here. I would really encourage anyone to come and see the work being done here. Steve and midge are real heroes. I have an awesome respect for the way they live their lives and who they are.

There is a guy called chuck who is one of the literally hundred’s of American missionaries in PP. he is building a church of mainly students in the city. He gathers over 1300 students on a regular basis to teach English and has a church of about 500 people mostly Khmers. This sounds amazing to have a Christian church of this size in Cambodia. I said to steve jubilee is a church being built on rock. It is better to have a dozen spirit filled disciples than 500 people who only go to church to hear English being spoken and never grasp the reality of grace and the goodness of god. Its great to be part of such a small community of believers who all know what it is to live with the spirit al believe in the power of the gospel to change peoples lives cross culture. God is doing an awesome work in this city and I’m so glad to be here and take part in it. I don’t think anyone in Worthing knows fully what is happening here.
I don’t know what to say…god is good.

Libby one of the Australian women in the church, who is a nurse in the city, was telling us at home group about a story from that day. She had been to one of the slum areas with some other nurses and they were told of a mother who’s baby was taken from her and sold. No one knows who it was sold to or for what purpose but she was sold for $15. Probably into slavery or the sex trade. Its would cost more to buy a pig for their farm than a child.
The poorest people often live near the sewage canals or over a lake of all sorts of horrible things. Sometimes because the houses are so shoddy babies fall between the floorboards or roll over the side into the canal or lake and drown.
This is obviously very disturbing but is one of many stories I have heard this week of things that would cause national outrage if they happened in England but no one thinks twice about here.

Those who dwell in the shelter of the most high will rest in the shadow of the almighty.
Psalm 91:1

This verse has lived with me for the last few weeks. Having seen what I’ve seen in this city. This verse comes to life. These people are so needy they turn their attention to other things. Without the knowledge that God can protect and provide for them. It is a great injustice.

One major problem, however, is that language can often work against you. Steve was telling me about one problem they’ve had…using the word ‘spirit’ or ‘holy spirit’ in khmer often means idols or evil. Which in turn can cause great fear. So this misunderstanding can be fatal. In all sermons, songs and bible studies. The words have to be changed to ‘good spirit’ or ‘spirit of jesus’ which they associate with goodness and love…quite rightly so!

Long blog I know…but always good to get stuff off my chest and im sure there are some die hard friends who will read it atleast once… I hope.

Thankyou for your emails. Please stay in touch.
Much love in Christ
Ben.

jars of clay

im sitting in an internet cafe opposite jars of clay cafe. which i havent visited but am about to after i finish this. im told it has airconditioning...what a result.
I never thought id say this but this morning i had both the coldest and the greatest shower in my life. it was brilliant.
we played football yesterday i sweated so much it was unbelievable. it was worth it thought, me and jordan whopped steve and samuel...brilliant.

life here is good. it is a busy city but everything is very laid back i like it alot. tomorow morning im going to go up to independance monument right by the palace and have a walk around. midge said alot of the university students walk there early in the morning and love to sit and talk with westerners to practice their english.

the little khmer i learnt in england has gone along way so far and im growing in confidence. steve is brilliant at it. i was well impressed.

hope all in england is ok. please write to me its great to hear from you.
Ben.

baptism of fire

this is my first full day in cambodia. i met with steve this morning and we went through all the stuff he wants me to get involved with and we talked for about two hours. then we helped isabelle move house. she is a french lady from the phillipines who was living above the church building...really great big apartment.

steve wants me to lead worship this sunday. first week and i have to lead worship and sing at least two songs in khmer. talk about baptism of fire.

the smiths house is great. the up stairs is a massive open plan room with all the bedrooms coming off each side. then there is a big balcony that overlooks the front of the house which my room has a seperate door to which is great so i can sneak out in the morning and sit on the balcony and watch the tuk-tuk drivers shuttle past.

its rained quite alot so far. steve says i brought the drizzle with me. normally it rains heavily and consistantly but yesterday it was drizzle rain.

im still getting over some jet lag. i slept in the afternoon for a few hours. but really it is so incredibly hot i cant be outside for too long...by lunch tgime i was sweating so much i needed another shower.

midge's food is fantastic ive loved all the fresh fruit, melon, and exotic stuff.

i must wrap it up...
first impressions are good. it is a small city but with some major problems. i will explore some more soon and let you know what i find. but it is great im so glad to be hear and am really excited about the work we are doing.

the boys have too much energy plus they are well excited about me being here so i havent had a moment to myself yet...crazy.

peace out.
Ben.

p.s. i will send post some photos soon.

Two weeks to go...

It's come round quickly. I leave two weeks today. This will probably be my last post before I actually get to Cambodia. I have one day to burn in Bangkok on the way over which is nice I will probably just wonder round and see the sights. I think I'll be so eager to get to Cambodia that I wont take much of Bangkok in.

Im a little worried about flying on my own, It's not so much the flying It's all the in between stuff like checking in on time and customs (I dont want anyone to find my drug stash). Plus It's going to mean lots of people speaking in lots of languages that I have never heard before or have any hope of understanding... It took me long enough to grasp the english language.

If you have read any of these posts please leave some comments. As long as you dont analyse my writing techniques too much or correct any spelling mistakes It would be nice to hear from you.

Martyrdom

Liz gave me a 'Jim Elliot' style leather bound dairy for the trip saying...'this looks like something Jim Elliot would have written in'...it does.
Which got us on the subject of martyrdom.
Tom Shaw recently said he didnt think it would be too long before new frontiers has a martyr in one of their churches worldwide.
Joe and I had an argument about who was more likely to get martyred, me or him. sounds rather morbid unless you understand the context and our sense of humor.
something to think about.....


Rough Guide says this...
'Islam is the most widespread of Cambodias minority faiths...christianity, introduced by various missionary groups, has failed to make much impact'

With this in view building a New Testament church in the heart of a country, with less than 1% of the population christian, becomes suddenly a more exciting thing to do.

photo's of friends

I thought it may be good to have some photo's on the blog.
Im sure there will be many more to come.
I hope this one doesn't keep you up at night.




I actually cried the first time I saw this photo.

...no joke.

mike? luke?

Newday

NEWDAY,
What a week...glad it has come to an end, but it was a really equipping time. I felt a fresh commission and faith for the trip.

I have jabs (in my arse) booked for tomorow. This should be a barrel of laughs.
I nearly have everything I need for my trip now, Im still trusting in God to provide some more money. It has been good to see how God has provided so far.

Two months

So I've got less than two months to go before I leave. I only realised last week that my passport is out of date. thankfully I have enough time to get it sorted before I leave.

Im relieved it has finally hit me that I am going. For such a long time it has been an idea but not a reality. I cant wait to get their and get my hands dirty.

It was a blessing being at the conference a couple of weeks ago to meet with Steve Smith and sort out what he is expecting from me and my expectations of him.

Its going to be a great time for the Church in Phnom Phen I know God has some exciting things in store for that city. I praise him that I am going to be a part of it.

Ben.

welcome blog

Welcome to my little corner of the web.
Im aiming to update this blog as regularly as possible with news from my ten month trip to Cambodia.
I hope that many of you will be interested to hear what is going on and will want to stay in contact.
The whole point of this blog is so that you can stay up to date with anything that happens.
I hope that it will be useful.
Ben.