for Robb....

i dont know what to say.

i was shocked by the news about Robb's cancer. as soon as i saw a few emails saying 'urgent' and 'Robb Heaton' i knew something was wrong. i prayed 'god please dont let it be cancer again' of course then i read the emails and literally ran to Steve+midges house and prayed with them for a while. i had to go and find somewhere quite, then i broke down. im not ashamed to say i cried my eyes out. it was the first time in my adult life i have genuinely cried and not been able to stop. i sat there for over an hour.

i started to remember the things that Robb said to me at our cell group leaving party a few months ago before i left. he is a good friend and i love him dearly. there is nothing i can really do being this far away. if anyone see's him can you please tell him that i am thinking of him. i dont know whether he will read this, i assume not.

i cant underestimate how sad and shocked i have been feeling about this whole situation.

so in one sense it has been a traumatic week that reached a climax this morning in church. we had two new khmer come along for the first time so i needed to change my plans for the worship and include some more khmer songs to help them feel at home. unfortunately i am still learning the songs so really badly bluffed my way through it. i was relieved to have it over by the end, although steve was encouraging i felt utterly crap. a plus point was that straight after we had our khmer cell group/alpha style bible study. which is always good and vern one of the new guys is really interested and asking some great questions. so i am feeling good about that...can you see i am trying to be positive!

i managed to break my bike aswell. the line that connects the motor to the engine got cut open somehow. its a pain not to be able to use it untill i can take it to the repair shop. ughhhh stress. again, though, on a plus i took a moto taxi to church this morning and the guy was 20 years old and said that he learned to play guitar and sings christian songs. it is hard to assume that means he is a christian but it was nice to meet him anyway. he sits on the corner all day every day just outside my house, so im going to chat with him a bit more and practice my khmer with him.

some people who know me well might say that im clumsey, i would argue that im accident prone. either way i managed to drop this big heavy metal padlock on my foot which left me with this big cut. fortunately i was searching through my stuff and found the first aid kit lucy made for me to bring here and raided it for plasters. i found some paracetemol as well and downed a few of them! i also had heat rash on my left hand and my forearm which is a little worrying as ive never had it before, at first i thought it was leprosey or something. good thing it has nearly gone now.

forgive my complaining (and spelling), iam trying to paint a real picture of what it is like here and my day-to-day struggles. i hope i am being honest enough for you to understand that i am not in paradise and for you to realise that there is a cost that has to be paid. the gospel is advancing here at a steady pace, sometimes its barers struggle.

dedicated to Robb. i am thinking and praying for you always my brother and friend.

Ben.